Children of widowed parents...

[justasmalltownmum]

How do you accept the widowed parent is ready to move on/ remarry etc when you aren't?

Feels like losing the parent all over again.

You'd rather you parent was alone than takes a 2nd chance at happiness/companionship?

Are you willing and able to be their constant companion, while you're happily living your own life with a partner and children Will you be the person they do "nothing" with or they supposed to be alone and lonely, just so you don't have to face up to anything?

Harsh, but fgs, time to be a grown up. Seeing things from their pov might help you.

It is one of the hardest things I have experienced. Feel like I've been hurried and harassed through the grieving process by my impatient remaining parent. Which has magnified everything.

Statistically this is likely to be your father?

Can I say something which is going to sound really really harsh....you only get one mum or dad...but romantic relationships are changeable. You can never replace your parent. You can find a new partner though. I'm sorry that sounds utterly dreadful. The truth is they are entitled to live their life. I'm very sorry for your loss

My darling dad died when I was 13 of type I diabetes.. it was a long time before the amazing advantages in diabetes care we have now. He had gone blind, had strokes, kidney failure etc... my mum had been a full time carer from 33 and he was 37. He died at 42...

4 years later she met my step dad. . He was the most amazing human being. Always respected our dad's importance in our lives. They both died last year within 6 weeks of each other . I am forever greatful that she had such happiness for 46 years.

Don't get me wrong. I was a resentful spiteful angry bereaved 17 year old when they married. But I grew up and realised that my mum and dad loved each other very much ... but my mums capacity to love hadn't died with dad. .. and we (my siblings and adored step siblings were all blessed with a second chance.

You bite the bullet. You wish them happiness. They deserve to be happy. They aren't replacing your parent

You are welcoming and kind

Its very hard actually but you do it. No question

Your grief for your deceased parent is actually a separate thing from your remaining parent wanting another chance at love and comfort, and someone to grow old with. I'm the widowed parent in this scenario. My kids are preparing to flee the nest and will doubtless have relationships of their own. Am I supposed to give up all hope of a second chance because it might upset them, and spent the rest of my life alone? They get to build their lives, why shouldn't I? It doesn't mean I didn't love their father.

This has actually made me quite cross. You're moving on, living life, having relationships presumably, but you want your parent to live half a life, while you're busy with yours?

Some widowed parents (mothers?) Are probably sensitive to their children's feelings. But when the remaining parent won't give one iota of empathy or kindness to their adult children it is hard for the parent child relationship to move on to this new stage. Getting bollocked for grieving doesn't endear one to the new set up.

It's not like that. I have moved on and created a life for myself precisely to give my adult children the freedom to live their lives without feeling responsible for me.

You can't have it both ways, if you don't want your mother to move on, you need to be there when she needs "someone" , but most adult daughters also complain about needy mothers who want to see or talk to you frequently.

I'm the widowed parent. My children were 19 and 17 when their dad died. My daughter said to me I'd never understand what it was like to lose a parent so young. It's true. My dad is 92 I'm 61 now and he's seen me leave school get a successful career get married, widowed and married again. My mum only died 2 years ago.

I started dating 6 years after my husband died. I didn't do it as well as I could have. I met and married an amazing man. My kids really like him but it's hard especially as I am still in the family home.

But I didn't want to be alone for ever.

But as someone said up thread you get two parents but can have many relationships. I was with my husband for 12 years when he became unwell then 12 years of illness and now 12 years of widowhood.

I'm very happy now but my kids haven't been able to share their life successes with their dad which is sad.

Yes, I still cry for my DC having to go through all their big events without their father, but that's no different whether I'm single or not.

I was delighted when my dad found a new partner. He was early 50s when my mum died. I wouldn’t want him to be alone for potentially 40 or 50 years to spare my feelings! I know he loved her a great deal.

My mum was widowed in her 40s. I was delighted when she met someone else. He will never be my dad but he's a nice man and she deserves to be happy

I've actually posted something similar before. As someone has already written, you're happy for them. And you keep any residual sadness to yourself. And yes, I know it's very hard when a parent moves on.