Ex boyfriend from 2022 messages me every week or so. We were friends for ages before we split, so it's nice to keep chatting with him. I rarely initiate conversation with him, which is the complete opposite to when we were friends and then seeing each other.
He is a kind person who it took a year of dating to realise that he wasn't ready for a relationship. He may be ready when his son is older and he isn't having to do so much caring for his mum. There were no controlling behaviours when we dated, but it was very much me who would push to spend time together, not him. He is the primary carer for their son, having him about 75% of the time. X would cancel last minute about once a month, due to his ex wife refusing to have their son during her weekends.
I'm happy chatting with him about things in his life, as I think he is wanting to feel important to someone who knows him well and that he matters to someone. His job is lonely, so he can't get this at work and he's very much a man's man who would get banter back from male friends at some of the things he says.
My friend, who knows him and isn't his biggest fan, said he's being controlling. She feels he's trying to keep my attention on him, as I'm not giving it to him willingly. I don't feel it's controlling, and I'm choosing to reply or not. However, friend then says "but he's keeping himself in your headspace, isn't he? It's very controlling behaviour".
We haven't seen each other in the flesh for nearly 2 years, besides bumping into each other a few times on the street. I'm enjoying being in touch with him still. I don't see it as controlling behaviour. It feels very dramatic to me to call a message and subsequent conversation every week or so controlling.
Would you see it as controlling or not?