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Original poster

does my dh not care about me?

22 replies

wannaBe · 09/04/2008 11:51

We're going to stay with the ILs for a few days. going today and coming back on Monday.

However, have been having issues with my eye as detailed elsewhere on mn, and have a hospital appointment this afternoon. So, as there is only one direct train to Mil's, it was decided that dh and ds would go down this morning, and that I would come down this afternoon after I've been to the hospital. They will then at least have the afternoon down there as opposed to having to sit around here all morning and not getting to mil's until later tonight, thus wasting a whole day.

Have no issue with this, I am catching a later train with only one change, and it 1, gives me the chance to do some housework before I go (doing a fine job of that as I sit on mn aren't I ) and 2, can finish my book uninterupted on the train without having to play "i spy" for three hours etc.

But have had constant questioning from my family since I said I was going oown alone, ranging from "I don't like the idea of you going on your own" from my mum (no idea why as I've been using trains alone all my life and commuted from swindon to cardiff for a year so not as if I'm unfamilliar with them), and have just had a phone call from my sister wanting to know why dh and ds couldn't wait for me.

She then went on to say that dh is selfish, that he clearly thinks nothing of me and doesn't care enough about me to stay here until I've been to the hospital (I don't expect them to do anything right now just give me more drops probably so hardly a life/death situation).

is she right?

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 09/04/2008 11:52

No, i think that sounds normal and making the best of various situations and commitments.

I got the train from Cornwall to London and had to change at reading at 11pm on my own and no-one cared about me, lol.

As long as you are happy?

LadyOfWaffle · 09/04/2008 11:54

Err... I would say she isn't right. If you had asked them to wait because you didn't want to travel alone, and he said no, that would be different.

winebeforepearls · 09/04/2008 11:58

Clearly you and your dh are not worried by this hospital appointment, and you are happy (more than!) to go on a later train by yourself. Your sister is being a bit IMO.

SirDigbyChickenCaesar · 09/04/2008 12:00

oooh the thought of travelling on a train for hours alone sounds soooo nice. books, music, people watching! no children!

AngharadGoldenhand · 09/04/2008 12:03

Pragmatic use of time, imo.

And, bonus, free time for you on the train.

FAQ · 09/04/2008 12:04

sounds like a fabulous idea to me

HappyWoman · 09/04/2008 12:04

I think if you are happy then dont give it a thought.

I love going on the train on my own. G and T and a trashy mag .

Enjoy

Megglevache · 09/04/2008 12:05

Message withdrawn

HaventSleptForAYear · 09/04/2008 12:34

Agree with everyone else.

too !

I have had these kind of comments before and although they do make you stop and think, oh, am I being a mug here? I think you were fairly clear before the comments that it was the best possible choice.

When you have kids it isn't quite as simple as Dh should always be there to hold your hand, is it?

colacubes · 09/04/2008 14:06

Think it sounds like the best idea, dh gets day with ds, boys time, you get a bit of housework, erm mn done, and then you time on train for a quite read. And Cant say travelling on the train for a grown up is very worrying, maybe your mum is worried that drops will be impairing your vision?

I travel around the states on my own to see friends, and have got lost in many an airport but managed to stay upright and in one peice, just. Overly anxious family it seems, agree with Haven, life aint black n white all the time.

sandyballs · 09/04/2008 14:11

I get these type of comments from my mother and it really winds me up, makes me question things I hadn't even thought of. It's really unnecessary, stirring things up.

Please ignore them and carry on with your plans. It doesn't mean your DH doesn't care about you, its simply doing what is best at the time. It'll be lovely for you, chilling out on the train, and lovely for DH and DS to have some time together without mum.

missingtheaction · 09/04/2008 14:19

once upon a time when my dcs were tiny and I was exhausted a friend asked me to have her dcs to stay (same ages) and she would provide a live in nanny for a week to look after all 4 children. I was ecstatic - ok, so there would be 4 under 5's for a week but a live in nanny for a week! what a treat!

But no - it was not to be - two people who shall remain nameless insisted that this was a right imposition and it would be too much for me. So i backed down. and they were SO WRONG!

How do mums etc forget the bliss of a few hours on your own? And for goodness sake you are a grown woman, you don't need dh to hold your hand on the train.

Your only mistake is to do the housework, which will definitley be too much of a strain for you and should be avoided on medical grounds.

Enjoy!

macdoodle · 09/04/2008 14:36

How wonderful ...let me think 3 hours on a train with a small child vs 3 hours on a train alone with a book
FGS do you NEED looking after!!

minouminou · 09/04/2008 16:20

oh, god, that really winds me up
i had "Well, I think should come with you!" when i was making a six-hour round trip on a train to pick up my cat from my mother (many years ago).
what for?
Thing is, the more you protest, the more it looks like you're ard done by and neglected in their eyes).
ararhrgrhgrhgrhghhhh

littlewoman · 10/04/2008 02:45

I think your sister is projecting her own insecurities onto you. Maybe she would hate her husband to do that to her, and would see it as not caring, but that would be her, not you. If you are happy about it, don't give it another thought. You know in your heart if your dh cares about you.
(man I LOVE the train to Scotland to visit my sister, more than I enjoy the actual visit ).

Lotstodo · 10/04/2008 08:07

They're jealous - probably just come back from a horrendous car journey, trapped in a car for three hours playing i-spy (and kept losing). Enjoy your book - I'm jealous!

popsycal · 10/04/2008 08:10

Oh man!

I would LOVE to sit on a train by myself for 3 hours and leave the kids to DH

A cunning plan

Cappuccino · 10/04/2008 08:10

no she is barking mad

Anna8888 · 10/04/2008 08:13

wannaBe - your arrangement sounds eminently sensible, rational and grown up to me.

Your family is being silly and childish, IMO [IMO]

VictorianSqualor · 10/04/2008 08:18

I'm sure people thought I was mad last year when I had to take the DC's to their Nan's house. I had to get a bus, then a train and then get the train and bus back home, I could've waited for DP to come home from work and drove there but told him I'd do the journey and he could meet me when I got back and we'd be able to go straight out, saving time.

I loved sitting on the train, alone with a mag and my mp3 player!

If you and DH are happy with the arrangement then it's fine.

NumberSix · 10/04/2008 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Popple · 10/04/2008 10:32

Hi Wannabe.
I think your family are being over-protective. Aren't you partially-sighted or blind? If you are happy with doing the journey then that is fine. Your dh obviously knows that you are fully capable and that you would say if you were unsure about it. If you haven't revealed any misgivings then why would he worry? My partners' aunt is blind - she lived in London for years and hopped on and off trains all the time. She leads a much fuller and happier life than her fully-sighted sister.
Enjoy your free time!

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