Struggling not feeling close to DP

[Feelabitrubbish]

We've been together 3 years, Lived together for one. Absolutely fab relationship, really wonderful man.

However.

I feel awful at the moment. DP is the sweetest, kindest, nicest man out there and I love him in a way I never would have thought I could. But he is also not the talking kind - and neither am I, I find it really difficult so we don't communicate as well as we should. He works 70 hour weeks, and has health problems too. He is significantly overweight and struggles with fluid retention and high BP.

It feels at the moment that our entire life is centered around his health/work. I don't feel particularly 'seen' at the moment. Our sex life is a massive part of it for me - I have a high sex drive but because of the fact he is exhausted and feels crap we are now at once every couple of weeks, which is killing me. I feel like he doesn't fancy me and we are closer to roommates. I try not to pressurise him but I know I get quiet and a bit down. He would hate to think I feel bad but I needed to offload!

Anyone at all?

relationships are always complicated.

presumably always like this?

He works 70 hour weeks, and has health problems too. He is significantly overweight and struggles with fluid retention and high BP.

WFH?

You're going to have to have a heart to heart conversation with him and outline to him what you've outlined here.

Ah work from home isn't possible - his job involves travelling all over the country.

but I understand how you feel in a different scenario. I have been in long distance relationship before and they never worked out. plus me wanting sex all the time but they was too far . because I also have a high sex drive. but its sad but that's how it goes.

and he manages to do this despite being very overweight with significant health issues?

My only suggestion is to be open and talk to him - tell him how you feel, do so without blame, but be open about how the situation is making you feel about yourself and your relationship. It's all you can do - you can then make further decisions based on his response.

It's got more and more mad with his work and our sex life has been slowly decreasing over time. I don't ever want him to feel like I'm pressurising him for it so I don't tend to bring it up, but I do struggle with it.

The thing is you are struggling alone when for a relationship to thrive, long term, you have to be struggling together.

His work-life-health balance us non existent and he won’t be around to retire with you. I think you have to evaluate how much of this is changeable and how much is not?

Work
Body
sex
living together

Changing some of these eill bring you closer together and restore intimacy. Others will drive you apart.

I reccomend being honest with yourself and being a bit ruthless. If you love him snd want the relationship to continue then something Has to change.

Yes I completely agree @pikkumyy77. His health is such a worry - he is constantly trying to lose weight, and he really does try. We aren't changing living together - we are incredibly happy to be together and it honestly is the best relationship I have ever had. I can't bear the thought of not cuddling up to him last thing at night or waking up with him.

Yes @carguide24 he does. Well like I said - the health issues are fluid retention and elevated BP.

He needs to work less. It will improve his health and your relationship.If you struggle with face to face communication write him a letter or send a lengthy text.

Thanks @MrsSlocombesCat

how local are you to each other? children? do you work? socialise etc?

Is he on medication for the high BP? What has his GP suggested?