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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Some dating advice please - divorced early 40s

16 replies

pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 21:26

Have been a couple of daytime dates with a guy. Very much my type but hanging back as I don't really don't what I want right now, but post separation, keen just to reequaint myself gently in dating world.

So this guy, yes unfortunately OLD, met him. Twice for a walk and then coffee in park. He's lively, handsome, charming, really well read, really expressive. First date about a month ago, second just last week as we were both away.

So basically I don't know whether I am actually paranoid too much about what I've read about guys these days. But he is really into me and em I guess I am confused. Single Mum two young kids, not remotely convenient in terms of where we both live, surely he could get a lovely girl with no kids who lives closer to him?? He said a month ago before he headed away that he understand if I meet someone else but he'd love me to wait to see him when he got back which I did.

I don't know why the hell I am so suspicious of men now. Terrified of feeling used. He had made it extremely clear that he wants to get me into bed, hobearly I would love it too. But I have this sinking feeling that I am going to feel used and he'll disappear. To be honest I think no matter who the guy I feel like that going to happen. Maybe it's cause of all the chat of OLD and what the dating world is like now. And maybe also I harbour a bit of silly irrational stigma about being a single Mum which may mean men could assume I'm desperate for sex or affection and easy targets.

I really like this guy, loads of fun, really handsome and sexy, a gent I think and just very interesting and affectionate but I cannot seem to even begin to remotely to trust anyone. He rather obvious desire perhaps has made me super suspicious but at the same time very sexy and exciting???

Anyone have any thoughts? My mindset is taking the fun out of it !!

OP posts:
SOxon · 23/06/2024 21:30

I so wish posters would edit their offerings

SOxon · 23/06/2024 21:31

O yes OP, take it easy, read back relevant advice on here most of which is incisive.

pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 21:31

Sorry just edited !!

OP posts:
SOxon · 23/06/2024 21:33

lol, calm down, have fun, use condoms xx

pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 21:35

SOxon · 23/06/2024 21:33

lol, calm down, have fun, use condoms xx

I know just chill out!!! Oh need to do this.

Sounds strange but 'having fun' perhaps for some reason make me feel like I'm not a good mum - another thing I have to work through.

OP posts:
SOxon · 23/06/2024 21:44

@pubertyalloveragain and still a woman!

I used to drive my girls to school quite a distance, occasionally
when his car was there I would stop off for a quickie with a much
younger man, Everard, come home with a grin/smile/smirk on me,
set me up for the day, mother and tart combined.
You too can be both.
All you have to lose is your dignity, ha ha. ✅

pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 21:46

Oh brilliant - I think dying to unleash myself but I get too bloody sensitive about my feeling being hurt, I need to harden up again!!!!

His texts are pretty novel and I'm taking a while to come round - it's all so new again.

But yeah bring it but I do seem to have this single mom easy prey stigma about myself I can't get past.

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 21:48

I just want him to tell me he only wants me for sex if that's what he wants but cannot get it out of him. It's the bloody charisma, gets me every time.

OP posts:
Kastri · 23/06/2024 22:06

You dont have to rush do you?Whats the hurry?You cant possibly know if he is reliable ,honest and sincere as you dont know him at all really.Give yourself time,dont underestimate yourself,get to know him slowly then you decide.

shivermetimbers77 · 23/06/2024 22:18

SOxon · 23/06/2024 21:44

@pubertyalloveragain and still a woman!

I used to drive my girls to school quite a distance, occasionally
when his car was there I would stop off for a quickie with a much
younger man, Everard, come home with a grin/smile/smirk on me,
set me up for the day, mother and tart combined.
You too can be both.
All you have to lose is your dignity, ha ha. ✅

Love this 😎

TaraTories · 23/06/2024 22:21

I'd be wary he has gone out of his area because he is married....ditto with the you not being available at all times being rather convenient. I'd hold off and keep dating. If he likes you he will wait.

HawkTuah · 23/06/2024 22:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 22:27

TaraTories · 23/06/2024 22:21

I'd be wary he has gone out of his area because he is married....ditto with the you not being available at all times being rather convenient. I'd hold off and keep dating. If he likes you he will wait.

I wondered. He is absolutely definitely not married. In Fact he got shafted by someone in his last relationship, was with her for a year but turns out she was having an affair with him, so he's abstained from women for quite a while. So much so when I told him about me, my life recently, he came back to me via text to sort of say or ask was I telling the truth. So if true he's be burned.

Will just see how it goes and invest little, that's my approach, keep it light !!

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 22:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

2 dates, where he was pretty forward in terms of liking me, over a month as we were both away in the middle of it. He got in touch the day he was back to say so and hung ho since! Met him last week and yes quite right it is certainly DTD time. Can't wait to be honest, he got it all going for him!!

I just need to chill out and stop second guessing everything. God I've become so bloody sensible!!

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 22:32

Ok think I just fear of getting attached (as it's been a lonely decade!!) and need to figure out how not to do that.

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/06/2024 22:32

shivermetimbers77 · 23/06/2024 22:18

Love this 😎

Me too 🤩

OP posts:
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