Parent in 10yr olds room

[Phoenix75]

Hi, not sure if this should be in the parenting thread or the relationship one.

I'm looking for advice from other parents regarding a parent whose still sleeping in their child's room whose recently turned 10 and an only child.

I was asked recently by a friend of mine (M) whose partner (F) has been sleeping in the same room as their son for the last 4yrs and if this is normal!! He also mentioned that they hadn't had any sort of sexual contact in the last 3yrs.

I was completely taken aback by this because neither of them (I'm friends with both) have mentioned this, so I had to really watch what I said to him as l didn't want to upset him.

I said that it's not something I'd heard many parents do and does the child have difficulty sleeping? He said yes and their mum would stay in the room with them, but she stayed there all night and never returned to the martial bed!!

I can understand how horrible it is for parents when their kids find it difficult to get to sleep on their own. Of course when my kids were younger (toddlers) and they had difficulty falling asleep I of course stayed in their room until they fell asleep, but I then went into my own bed with my partner.

I think he feels that she's staying away because she no longer has feelings for him and he is struggling to deal with it.

I didn't want to upset him and just said that it would be best to discuss this with his partner, explaining how he's feeling, asking why she feels she needs to sleep the whole night in the child's room etc.

Has this happened to others and how common this is and if it isn't, can it be a symptom of something else, like a breakdown in feelings etc.

I've never been in this situation before so any advice would be great.

Thanks 😊

However he will probably speak to me again about it and as I've never been in that situation

Just tell him you're not qualified as a therapist (unless you are).

Why are you letting him trouble you like this? You have your own life to lead.

It’s not normal. And the relationship likely won’t survive.

Some women kind of immerse themselves in this all encompassing mothering at the expense of their adult relationship , I’ve seen it in real life as well as on here a lot.

It’s not the same as DCs coming into your bed for part of the night, and ten is too old

It’s so out of order for him to be telling you something this personal and discussing his wife.
unless you’re actually the man in this scenario - in which case, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and speak with your wife.
if you’re truly just a friend , it’s bizarre to be so worried about this you take to an Internet forum. And bizarre for him to share this with you.

here’s a book you can read: “Codependent No More”

It's an odd thing to focus on. It doesn't strike me as being inappropriate if the child is ok with it (ideally I think children should have their own space available to them to go to if they want to, but like people said, not everyone has a spare room). I mean, there are obviously issues with the relationship but I'm not sure they're caused by the co-sleeping. I imagine that her next move would probably be the sofa rather than back to sharing a bed with him and sex, if she's been co-sleeping with the child to avoid this.

@Phoenix75 I personally think this co-sleeping business is ridiculous!! mainly for lazy parents who cannot be arsed to get their kids into the habit of sleeping in their own bed without getting up every five minutes!