Early dating

[Holidaylover88]

Was talking to this guy off a dating app on what’s app for a few weeks and seemed to get on so arranged a date he cancelled cos he was poorly a few hours before sent home from work and then said he hoped to feel better after a nap but didn’t rearranged for a couple of days later went out got on well no awkward silences best date has been on. Then he cancelled cos his dad was in hospital but we didn’t have any concrete plans just said will see you at weekend. Then rearranged another date but then cancelled as his dad needed taking to an appointment I don’t know now if he’s genuine would you give him a chance have got him on all social media. Just worried am been taken for a fool.

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I certainly would not continue. Obviously life happens and sometimes plans must be changed but this is a lot of cancellations during the time that dating should be fun and easy. He isn't showing much enthusiasm. If someone cancels for genuine reasons they are keen to offer alternative dates.

If his cancellations are genuine, perhaps this is not a good time for him to be dating at all. In my experience, if they are messing you about this early, it's a non-starter.

I agree. In all honesty, he's probably still active on the dating sites and meeting other women when he claims to be cancelling for other reasons. For me, multiple cancellations would suggest they're not interested and/or are disrespectful of my time.

One cancellation ok but a repeat pattern is setting the tone for what you’re prepared to tolerate.

Hes either dating other women and blowing you out when he gets a better offer or if it’s true, he’s not in the right place to date right now.

Id bin him off tbh

When he cancels he still talks to me tho have asked him a few times if he is interested just be hones and he says he is it’s so confusing

I have been in a similar situation and the problem is most men are unable to multi-task . His father is unwell, so he simply can't do anything else as he is fixated on that. It is quite frustrating because that means you are often left hanging but still have some hope of meeting and having a good time. I would just be honest and ask, "are you keen to meet because your actions don't indicate that? I understand your father was unwell but you can at least communicate to show that you are interested in me. "

He wants a penpal. It's not confusing - he's not fussed about meeting you. Block and move on.

Agree with this. If a man is interested, there’s no confusion.

This one is showing he’s flaky from the start - he’s wasting the OPs time

He's meeting other people at the same time and is ditching you for them. He's not invested in you.

People that cancel a lot tend to keep up the habit, they can't manage their time or can't be bothered when it comes down to making an effort, not something I'd put up with trying to get a date.

He's taking you for a fool.

Surely if that was the case he wouldn’t be constantly messaging me at that time

I've been online dating for many years - and the constant messaging is a red herring in my experience. Ultimately my goal in dating is to meet up quickly then see what happens - I would be saying goodbye to anyone who was as flaky in the early stages as it's just so irritating. The constant messaging is a way to keep you hooked in whilst he is seeking other options in my experience. Id move on quickly and stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't appear to respect your time!

He still talks to you as it's an ego boost for him. And he's keeping you on the backburner. Look at his actions and not his words.

It’s amazing how many men on dating apps have sick parents who they have to take to the hospital… Especially on a Saturday night..

Actually was a weds and a Tuesday.

I would usually agree with the other replies but I've had a year of illness and something happening constantly, and really think it could be genuine. Of course that doesn't mean you need to give him another chance.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt and the cancellations are genuine, it actually raises a bigger question to me.

A new relationship takes a big commitment of time and energy; it's unreasonable to expect a new partner to take on that level of emotional support without the solid foundation of a shared history. It means you'll have to take a back seat from the get go.

Therefore it may be that his parental caring commitments means he is not in a position to give that, at this time in his life. He may not want to admit that, and he may well be looking for distraction, but anyone with a decent soul would have enough self awareness to recognise that and not put you in that position.

I would actually put that to him; sometimes the timing is just wrong.

Hope that helps xx

Realise I'd written my reply all over the place.....what I meant was if he's got a lot of caring commitments, he doesn't really have the capacity to take on a new relationship.

Whilst it's reasonable to hope that an existing partner will support you through that, and take a back seat with getting their needs met, it's not fair on a new partner to expect that. You'll then end up in a situation that will be hard to walk away from, without a lot of guilt. For someone you barely know.

Not giving him a chance cos his dad is ill and he needs to help him makes me feel like a bad person if it was other way round I would want him to be understanding with me so it’s so hard

It’s a lot of effort about 30 messages a day for someone who’s not interested

If he's got enough time to message you 30 times a day then arguably he has enough time to meet you for a quick coffee or something.

I had one of those who messaged non stop all day every day but cancelled a couple of dates short notice

He was still active on the apps and actually messaged my friend (he had no idea who she was).

Messages are cheap, actions count