What do you think of my husband's behaviour? I just need outside perspective because I feel he is being unreasonable but he manages to make everything seem like it's because of me and I don't know what's true really.
Just for context. He is away alot on deployment with work (military) and says when he's home he often needs to train for next course or whatever and needs rest. I am a sahm with no support/friends or family near here so i am often very tired aswell.
Never gets up with the children in the morning, maybe done one or two get ups in 4 years. Never made them any of their meals. When he's home, he might play with them a bit but will sit on the sofa on his phone alot aswell.
Takes long baths (like 40 mins to an hour) and trains a lot but this is important for his job and recovery, he says. I let it go a lot but told him I want to do things as a family on weekends, especially as I have the kids alone all week with no break and not really any company (we've recently moved to a new area. He has been away alot and I don't know anyone here).
He will come out with us if I ask him but then will need his own time when we're back whereas I have to carry on taking care of the kids.
Apparently I don't care about him because I want to go out with the kids after he's trained and he hasn't had time to eat/drink and I haven't asked him or made sure he has. I have two kids to focus on. It's not like he will pack their snacks or anything so I don't need to worry about him aswell. Surely I can manage to eat and hydrate myself without being reminded by him, he can aswell.
Even if he comes out he will moan that he needs to go home to eat or whatever.
Has now told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me because I never listen to him. and he feels I don't care about him. Sounds like a flimsy reason but there we are. I told him it's probably because he doesn't ask nicely. He'll say "shut the door" or something, instead of please can you just shut the door. So I get defensive and upset and question him or something. And also im busy with the children. I always offer to make food for him aswell if I'm making it but I can't be checking if he has drunk or whatever. I don't really know what he wants from me or means by it to be honest.
Apparently he used to ask nicely but got sick if it because I always asked why and never just did it. This means I have no respect and don't trust his judgement apparently.
Apparently I should leave the kids to play alone more so I can get on with jobs ect because I'm not good at keeping up with the washing. I said it's hard because I'm alone with them all the time and they are still very young. Youngest is one and still very clingy. Wants to be carried alot and the eldest is not the best with him. So if I leave them for a minute she'll hit him or steal his toys. I do my best to keep up with housework but it is hard.
He says he doesn't ask anything of me-he does his own washing, cooking ect. Apparently he's keeping uo his end of the bargain by providing for us (working ect) but I guess he feels I am not or I'm asking too much of him by expecting him to help out more when he's back.
I don't know. What are others husbands like and what is the share of things like for other sahms?
I just don't know if I'm being unfair but it all seems very difficult and doesn't feel right to me.
Looks like he wants to end things anyway but would help me to know what's gone wrong.
Thank you