Feeling low-'friendship' gone wrong.

[wooga]

Please help me out here,I am pretty useless out of touch with the whole friendship thing,am friendly with a mum local to me who I know from ds's school but I have always been a lousy judge of character-which has led to me being taken advantage of in the past.

I always try to see the good in people but I have nagging doubts about this person-I'll give her the benefit of the doubt if she says something I thought was out of order(especially 'jokes' to do with my ads)-but following something I said the other day,she's now turned it around and is making out that I was being nasty about another mum(I wasn't but she's close to this mum and will take her word-no witnesses).It's like being back at school again.

I can't even put this down clearly-sorry for wittering on,my heads all over the place due to not being able to sleep.

I have a horrible feeling that she's going to cause trouble and alienate me-I really don't need this right now as I'm going through a divorce/house sale and struggling with my ds's low moods-due to his asd.

I read it back now and it sounds so silly but I am pretty lonely and dreading my son going back after the break if I have grief at the school gates to deal with.

Have been wanting to move to another part of town for a while now but my ds wouldn't be able to cope-will be hard enough when he starts junior school.

Why am I so useless with people?
It puts me off getting close to people when this stuff happens.

I've probably put this in the wrong section.

Sorry,I don't really know what I want from this-needed a rant and feel a bit better for writing it down.

Kids up, got to go.

sorry, no words of advice, but you sounded so down, didn't want you to go completely unanswered.

It's horrible when something like this is hanging over your head, especially when you're dreading the start of school - is that in 1 or 2 weeks? It's hard to be worrying about something for so long, especially when you don't even know if it will jhappen as you dread.

Can you try to explain a bit about the problem with woman B? Could you maybe phone her and explain that woman a has 'misunderstood' and explain your side? Maybe invite her and her dc round for cake and play (you cake, kids play!)

Is there any other way of making friends - clubs groups, pta? I understnad it's difficult - I'm moving in a couple of weeks and not at all looking forward to starting from scratch.

Hope your day improves xx

Thank you,I'm joining a SW group today-hopefully will give me a chance to meet more people!

I think I've done all I can to explain to this woman,but she's determined to cause a drama-I will just have to rise above it.

It's just unfortunate that I will be linked to this person for the next 8yrs-as my dd will be going to the school when hers will.

I think I will just have to forget her-have to concentrate on finding somewhere to rent and settle my dcs.

Thank you for replying.

Can you go to the other mom who you are accused of saying something nasty about (or to) and tell her face to face that you apologise if anything you may have said has caused her offence or upset as it was certainly not your intention. And just forget about the other lady, she sounds like a drama queen looking for trouble.

I agree, its a tough thing to do, but go to the other Mum and dont give your friend the chance to be nasty.

Its really important you build up your self esteem and get ome new friends, preferably new ones at the school so that you dont feel totally isolated.

Good luck!

Definitely agree with speaking to the other Mom.
You never know you may have been worrying about nothing and this is all a "storm in a teacup".
I am forever saying the wrong thing then endlessly stressing over it, then realising that thats what everyone does and no one takes offence (I certainly try not to when am on receiving end).

That's a good idea about seeing the other mum,problem is,they're very tight-knit-endlessly texting/seeing each other,so I won't be able to do it without the other one interfering.

Another thread has mentioned something about courses to help self-esteem-I need to do something like that as my anxiety/depression knocked the stuffing out of me,I don't know who I am anymore.

My low self-esteem has changed me so much as a person-people think of me as a 'nice' non-argumentative person(ie weak),which has,unfortunately,led to people thinking they can say what they like to me.
I need to toughen myself up-taken a lot of crap from all over the place lately-my ds's school being the worst-regarding the help he needs for his asd.

I don't want to be a hard-faced cow,just to be able to stand up for myself.

I don't really have much in common with the mums I know,other than our dcs being at the same school,I think I was just lonely and glad to meet someone to talk to.

I hope that the course I'm doing will help me get more confidence and I'm trying to get a job-I was working until late last year so didn't mix with these mums as much before.

Hi wooga.
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. It's horrible when you feel as though everyone else is in some sort of private club. I live in a small village (my husband wanted to move back here because it's where he grew up) and don't really know anyone round here. I work full time so it makes it really awkward to get to meet people too. I think I will forever be seen as an outsider.
I agree with the other suggestions about talking to the other mum. You don't have to make a big thing of it just say "I'm really sorry if I've upset you in anyway. (other mum) seems to think I have but honestly that was never my intention. Infact I don't know many people round here and would love you to come round for a coffee if you're at a loose end anytime." That way the ball is in her court.
I know it's much easier said than done (I probably wouldn't be able to take my own advise to be honest). Good luck and if you really don't feel able to say anything try not to stress too much. That woman sounds horrible and I'm sure she will have forgotten all about it and moved onto her next target soon enough.

Oh these mums don't sound very appealing to me. Perhaps you could somehow send her a brief note about the 'misunderstanding' and then forget about them.

I wish you the best of luck, you're going through a great deal right now. You are doing all the right things though! Joining your new group, job-hunting, looking at ways to improve your self esteem - you'll piece your life together bit by bit and hopefully get back to being you again.

Thank you,that's well put-it's exactly what I want her to know.
I'll give it a go,if she believes her friend over me then,oh well,at least I've tried,not good friends to have.
I am better off looking after myself and dcs.

Good luck with meeting people,chubbymummy.

Thank you,Elephantsbreath.

speak to the other mum
you never know...she may be fed up with mum A causing these dramas, or it may alert her to this tendency
either way, you gotta take the initiative here, it could work to your advantage, or you may just have to forget them both
but deffo approach her

Yes,I was going to give her something, so could pop round with it and use it as a chance to say something to her one-to-one.

I really hope you get this sorted. I was caught up in something similar a few years ago I know how horrible it is. The dread of approaching the gates...who says bullying ends when you leave school? Please dont let them upset you x

Where abouts are oyu south west? Plenty of other people who I am sure whould be happy to be friends with you. Hang on in there.

Let us know how you get on wooga

Just a bit of an update,I've had a word about what happened and thankfully this other friend has figured that there's stirring going on and can't be doing with it either.

I will detach myself gradually from the so-called friend,TBH,she's very draining and not really worth the effort if she's doing 'playground' stuff like this.

I will stay civil and just carry on saying hello-no more than that,very wary of her now.

Thank you so much to everyone who helped me on here-it really meant a lot to me,I can always count on support and good advice on here!