Caught husband having emotional affair

[Sparrow669]

Hi all ,

so I caught my husband sending daily videos to some woman online in another country. They started innocent but then crossed the line with photos being sent from the woman and my husband approving of them.

he says he started to look online for grief support after the death of a family member as he felt lonely.

we have been married 10 years with 2 kids , I just don’t know what to do. He says it’s the most stupid mistake of his life etc etc.

i asked him to leave for a couple of weeks but now he’s back and part of me wants to make this work and the other part I just want him to leave.

the trust is gone can it ever be rebuilt?

@Sparrow669, I'm about to get dinner on table but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's really hurtful. Only you know whether you can try to work it through with him. It's worth getting some support just for you though. Do you have someone you can trust that you can talk to about it. Best wishes to you.

Extraordinarily hurtful of him.

I am reconciled and I do believe trust can be rebuilt from personal experience BUT his ‘reasons’ for cheating are minimising and pathetic.

He needs to dog much much deeper than that to establish what led him to be THAT selfish and entitled.

Get yourself on surviving infidelity, you’ll get tailored, ongoing and expert support there if you are thinking of moving forward with your marriage.

How he’s going to control himself next time he experiences a bad time? He didn’t choose to lean on you or a professional, he chose to invest in a stranger taking time away from your marriage.

I saw similar recently with an old friend of mine - had emotional affair with a Russian girl online, completely destroyed his other half.
But basically he still loves his partner dearly and completely - what he did was difficult to explain in any sane, logical way, but he made a mistake. Big one.
She couldn't put it behind her, so they both lose something that they have valued for a long time.
It's up to you how to go forward, but if he is genuinely sorry, I'd say please try to rebuild.
The structure of the classic Greek Tragedy is always 'Hero makes one big mistake, then his life and that of those around him, completely unravels'.
It would be good if you could manage to not make this a tragedy, but sure it won't be easy snd you may need help.
Good luck, sending hugs

Hi, I've been in a similar situation. My xdh began an online emotional affair around 4/5 years into our marriage. I was working a lot of hours, he had recently left his job and was at home with the dc for a short period before going back to work. Over those few months he spent all of his time ( unbeknownst to me) online chatting to a lady the other side of the world. He shared the most intimate details of our lives, but had told her we were separated. He sent the usual intimate photos but also photos of our dc. Of our lives. Anything that happened on reality, a day trip or a dc being sick, she knew. He shared his feelings and desires for the future. Once I found out, I actually messaged her and explained it was all lies, we were very much together. He'd even made 'plans' to go over there, despite having zero cash himself.
The plans were nonsense, once he knew I had found out, he deleted the lot, no real remorse and his justification was that I wasn't present much.
Long story short, he never did similar again, he was particularly transparent after that and it wasn't hard to keep an eye on things but the truth was, in the moment I read the 1000s of messages, I was done. A switch had been flicked. We stayed together for another good few years but it was never the same. I knew who he really was. And I no longer felt how I should about my husband. We are now divorced. We co-parent fine, and I'd say we're friends. But there never was a way to come back from it.
Take your time to process..nothing has to happen immediately, you'll know in your heart what's right for you.

Tbh, I wouldn't consider this to be an emotional affair. I'd consider that to be more about talking and sharing thoughts and developing a closeness that takes time and emotional resources away from the primary relationship.

This is also a sexual relationship. They are also sharing their bodies with each other but distance prevents them from doing it in person.