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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm not sure why I'm here anymore

1 reply

Mummycar · 22/06/2024 19:06

Husband and I, 15 years, DD's 14 + 7. Dog 5 months. Might be a bit long!!!

Husband and I are chalk and cheese and that's always been our thing because we genuinely like each other and make each other laugh. It was never love/lust at first sight but it became love.

Just lately there is tension in EVERY element of our interactions... he's sullen, moody, tired, grumpy. I'm mardy, tired, stressed and depressed. He will not talk about anything and sits sullenly every evening on his phone.

Here's the kicker, he's a really good bloke, he cooks, he cleans, he does the washing (won't iron but I love it so *shrug) he hoovers, he helps neighbours, parents, strangers... but I'm really starting to resent him for it because it feels like he does all of these "things" so that he doesn't have to get involved with family life at all. He is on the spectrum and this manifests itself in the above but I find myself constantly checking if he's OK because he just looks so miserable and sullen all the time. Plus if he's doing everything what is the point of me even being here.

Our youngest DD is a busy little thing, she doesn't have any specific diagnosis but there are signs worst of all is her lick on mentality to everything. I do all of the mornings and "kid sh*t" as he labels it but with 5am daily wake ups by 7pm I'm done, ready for him to tag in but he'll come home from work and cut the grass while I'm loosing my mind answering Mummy for the 934th time since pick up. If I say anything, I break her heart.

We both work full time+, money isn't a worry life should be great but family time is the worst part of the week and with an non present husband and high attention 7 year old my big girl (who is fricking awesome btw) gets zero attention and I miss her!!
I'm angry and miserable all the time.

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 22/06/2024 19:33

Ok so he's ASD: No empathy or understanding of yours and DDs emotional needs, craving for routine and can't do change, spontaneous.
You won't change any of those things.
But you love him? Respect him?
So you need to get him to change his routine and responsibilities. Won't be easy for him to do, but once he's used to it will probably be fine.

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