Honest opinions

[Jbob1976]

I have been in my relationship for nearly 16 years , we split 7 years ago but got back together after 6 months . We have a son together . Our relationship has always been up n down, I have my own place but since Covid we have lived together full time again. Basically since Xmas it has been awful , she took up new hobby where she’s out 2 evenings a week, they also go out socially and lot of texting too, I’m new year I basically accused her of being unfaithful , no evidence just few things. Since then we have just grown apart and zero connection now, we talk and talk but nothing changes, it just feels like we have run out of words to say to each other . I feel she has little time for me anymore, even when we go out which is rare it’s seems false , we both say we love each other very much and don’t want to split but we don’t know how to fix it? Am I being unreasonable thinking she denotes too much to her hobby and new friends ? Yes I’m insecure I know that but she can be very cold too. We had some magic times together and recently I thought of walking but didn’t . Any thoughts on how to fix things as I seem to have run out of ideas ?

Why did you falsely accuse her of cheating?

Unusually, I agree with @MateyMusings. You're basically describing a relationship that no longer works, OP. I'm sorry - this is a horrid thing to live through.

While you still have love & care for one another, it's probably best to start working how how to split - or "consciously uncouple" if you feel like celebrities.

She is entitled to have hobbies, why did you assume she was being unfaithful if you had no evidence?
You say you feel you have run out of things to say to each other, yet at the same time you 'talk and talk but nothing changes'.
You could try couples counselling to improve your communication issues but it does rather sound like your relationship has run its course.

You sound very insecure, she may be devoting more and more time to her hobby to spend less time with your paranoid accusations.
If your not happy then leave and maybe get some therapy for your issues.

2 evenings a week is not drastic, given that you need to go to a gym 3 x per week to improve. You really cocked up by accusing her of cheating without evidence.
Not sure if I have timeline right, but it sounds like she started her hobby around Xmas and by NY you were already accusing her? Rather jumping the gun. Can you say what the hobby is? Might explain the socialising around it.
Calmly ask her if she thinks splitting up would be for the best, but not as an ultimatum of ditch the hobby or we split. There is nothing wrong with having a hobby unless you have proof otherwise.
If she doesn't want to split, talk about ways you can make your relationship happier. Apologise for the accusations if you haven't already and explain the parts you miss that were there before.
If she doesn't engage, perhaps a split would be for the best if she has lost respect for you.

She has a (by no means all-consuming) hobby and a social life - this is healthy - and instead of being happy for her and having your own hobby and social life you accused her of cheating.

Yab totally u. I am surprised she didn't finish with you when you accused her of cheating on no evidence except that she has her own things she enjoys doing with her time.

NC.

This sounds like my relationship since Xmas. DP became increasingly colder and distanced. I started to notice small things and changes in her behaviour too, nothing important when looked at insolation, but when all added together started to create doubt in my mind. Things like wanting to look nicer, going out more often, coming home later from work, constantly on her phone, changing screens when i ever entered the room. No accusations from my side as that would give her a chance to hide it. In the end I did the awful thing and looked on her phone and found evidence she was having an affair. I hope this is not the same with you.

my heart goes out to the child in this scenario