I don't know how to manage without sex for eternity

[Namechangeunavoidable]

DH has ED. Had it for about 18 months due to the side effect of medication. Changed meds hoping the issue would be reversed. It hasn't. There is no other physical contact at all.

I've asked him to go back to gp, but he has other health issues that are probably taking priority.

I don't want advice as such, but if anyone out there is also living like this please tell me if it's an issue, how you manage, etc.

As you know, there's a whole lot of surrounding behaviour and physical stuff you could do despite the ED. Much more to sex than PIV, and much more to a relationship than sex.
Does no physical contact mean he doesn't hug you, you never kiss, you don't hold hands, give foot rubs etc? If it does then talk to him about this, not the sex. Lack of general affection is a different issue and less acceptable long term. If you felt loved, a lack of PIV would be far more bearable.

Been in this exact situation. My DH wasn't up for sex, due to the fear of failing (ED). He started taking Tadalafil about year ago, and it's been life changing. You can get it from Numan on-line. It 's a bit like viagra, except you take it every day. He hasn't had any ED since, which means that his confidence has soared and he is always up for having sex, as he knows he won't lose his erection. He also takes testosterone supplements, but it's definitely the Tadalafil that does the trick. It comes in a plain box through the post every month. Complete game changer! You would need to check he's ok to take it with his other meds though.

And I should say, we had years and years of problems with this - all fixed now. It takes a few months to kick in mind.

Well that sounds wonderful!
Hope this works for Op ‘s husband.

Men with ED can suffer confidence issues for sure.

It was eye drops that caused the ED. Think the eye clinic mentioned that there was a possibility that the ED would not be reversed by stopping the medication that caused it. Would the Tadalafil still work in this instance?

I should maybe add that his testosterone levels are good. It was the first thing they checked.

Thanks all

You'll be fine! Other ways and means. I'm sure he probably already feels really rubbish without you making it an issue (in the nicest way possible) xx

I've only mentioned it once in18 months. He said 'I wondered how long it would take you to mention that'. I've not mentioned it since. It's a sore point.

And I don't think I will be fine. I'm not fine now.

Does he want sex or intimacy? There's a big difference in him wanting it and not being able to maintain an erection, and not wanting it.

My dh has ed but we are still a very tactile couple who maintain a level of intimacy even without PIV.

No, it’s not fine, but only you can say if it’s a deal breaker. Counselling for you individually might be an idea as it would give you a space to talk about the issue frankly without worrying about hurt feelings.

The ED is one thing but the real issue here seems to be your husband doesn't appear to care how you feel or how this is affecting you.
People can have very fulfilling sexual intimacy without PIV (lesbians for example) but the fact you have only felt able to mention it once in 18 months and were then completely dismissed and belittled is the real problem here.
You absolutely deserve better than this , to feel desired and cared for and considered.

Your replies have prompted me to speak with dh. It's been a revelation actually and the last comment prompted me do it. I am more than partly responsible. I thank you x

My other half has ED - has had it since we met 4 years ago. Not sure what’s caused it - he’s been to the GP who has given him the all clear health-wise. His ex put them on a ovulation schedule when they were trying for both kids which I don’t think helped - it’s definitely a psychological thing for him.

He tried Viagra but it gives him a massive hot flush and heartburn so he’s nervous of trying the other one. But we have a very good sex life - he can get hard if I use my hand, but it disappears if it comes near my vagina! So it’s mutual masturbation for us - and he’s massively good at it. We don’t have PIV sex but it’s still intimate and brings us closer. The key for us was me telling him it wasn’t a relationship-breaker. To do that meant we had to talk. Communication is key.

Thank you Paulies great to hear how you manage the ED and it works for you! We've a long way to go. We've become so far apart even hugging is going to be a challenge now.

I’m really sorry to hear that @Namechangeunavoidable - must be so difficult. Mine still gets frustrated from time to time (he’s never ejaculated inside me for instance, and says that makes him feel a bit less of a man), but I reassure him all the time. We are early 50s so family planning isn’t an issue for us.

Maybe acknowledge again that you miss it, but also miss the non-bedroom intimacy - the hugs, kiss goodbye, the squeeze when you’re passing. Let him know that he IS still very much a man in your eyes. If he’s anything like mine he’s closing down because he’s going into self-protection mode. What you have to do (and it’s not easy with men who don’t like to talk about difficult topics) is to let him know that it’s ok to show vulnerability. You’re his partner in life - it’s your job to listen and support. I do it after a couple of glasses of wine on a weekend night and move our phones discreetly to the kitchen counter or the other end of the table if I feel we need to talk.

I share your situation. My DH is also dysfunctional ED, and unhappy with it. We're nearly 70 and his heart regulating medication package makes ED an almost automatic side effect. Viagra etc helps, but it doesn't give him an erection that takes him to climax, which is equally not long enough or hard enough to get an old broad her jolly moment. Regardless, we are happy. We understand that we are getting old, although we still think we're 35. But we can still walk miles and drink you under the table.

Gosh @Namechangeunavoidable I hope that you have hit the moment to sort this out. It doesn't sound final, but there will need to be a lot of goodwill on both sides, to achieve a friendly resolution.