Red flag??

[jabal]

So I’ve been seeing this guy I met online for a couple of months now. I’m 45 and he’s 52.
i like him and we get on well I’ve met his kids and some of his friends he’s met my friends but not my son yet and my son has said he doesn’t want to meet him yet. We’ve made things official like not speaking / seeing anyone else and I am happy with he treats me great everything is good except I found out he still had an active dating profile now I see him 2/3 times a week spk to him most days so I don’t think he’s been dating other people and I just don’t really know if I should call it quits as it just seems rubbish but then everything else is so good
what do I do

I think it's worth a conversation. He could have forgotten about it? Or equally he could really enjoy the chatting to new people and not be ready to give that up for you.

I'd definitely bring it up and see what he says

How many months have you been dating?

and how did you find out he still has a dating profile If I may ask?

I had this with my boyfriend. I brought it up, he seemed to have forgotten all about the site and he took it straight down. I think probably a lot of people forget to remove - especially if they’re on multiple sites. Hopefully all fine.

I wouldn't just chuck him without a discussion. Hopefully he'll take it down and reassure you. If you're exclusive then he should know you're not going to over the moon he's still having an active profile! If he'd been talking to or meeting people from there recently then I'd say that's a deal-breaker though.

Can you tell if he's actually using the account, or if it's simply that he hasn't deleted it? I haven't been back on a dating app since a couple of days after a first date (and that was just to read a message) - I've been seeing this person for a few weeks, but I haven't deleted my profile, I've just not gone back on it at all. Could it be that? Or can you see when he was last online and it's recent?

Why have you met his kids it you've been dating for 2 months only?

Sounds like it’s moving quite fast tbh. No need to remove dating profiles or delete apps after a couple of months - if you’re not seeing others that’s one thing, but I’d have been pissed off if I had to redo my whole profile every time I stopped seeing some guy. Went through a good 4/5 of them over a year, all a few dates over several weeks. Didn’t meet the kids or friends though, for me that wasn’t an option until at least 6 months or so.

Slow down, enjoy it for what it is, no pressure. If he likes you he won’t be on there but if things don’t work out he can easily go back on and start it up again without having to refill all those tedious questions.

He probably doesn’t even realise. Mention it in person so you can gauge his reaction.

Of course he knows his profile is still there, and if you've made it official, then it's shady of him, he could at least snooze his profile so it's hidden out of respect for you.

To be honest I had been dating someone for three months and hadn’t deactivated my profile. Initially I had forgotten about it and then I just browsed out of curiosity from times to times. I have deleted and deactivated the app now. Have been seeing someone for four months and don’t feel like dating someone else.
He might have just forgotten about it tbh.

Thanks everyone, i think I’ll speak to him about it. I saw him yesterday and it was great and his words and actions all make me think it’s all going good the profile is the only thing giving me doubts. Suppose till I speak to him I won’t know. Thank for responses and advice I just overthink so it’s good to hear different opinions

I think the fact that you came here first before speaking to him says a lot, and the fact that you're asking us whether it's a red flag for you. We can't know. Your red flags are yours, and if you think anybody else can tell you how much something should bother you, you're vulnerable in the relationship world.

A red flag is anything you find disrespectful/uncomfortable that someone keeps doing when you've told them how you feel about it. That's it. You can't define it further. If you are terrified of dogs, and someone knows that, and buys you a puppy, then 'buying you a puppy' is a red flag, because the 'red flag' bit is the disrespect of your feelings, rather than the action itself.

Some red flags won't need a conversation because you'll just know straight away, like if you find him in bed with someone else when you're supposed to be exclusive, or if he is abusive to you, and others, like this one, will require you to tell him how you feel and gauge his response. The only solution is when you talk to him, and both alight on a conclusion that feels right for you both.