AIBU parental alienation

[Heresee]

Short version: One night in Rome on way to work conference. Robbed. Cashless and cardless. Family (inc STBXH) whom still all live together while we wade through the system to divorce knew but in the end only one reached out to offer a payment card for me. They all knew I was alone and without any access to funds. They also know I have no finances as the work conference was gifted to me so I can continue to get on my feet to be independent. They are all adults except for the 16 year old. I feel so betrayed as it comes off the back of realising I have been the target of parental alienation. I understand the children are confused as I am taking a stand and no longer constantly at home serving their needs all the time. I know divorce can exacerbate emotional reactivity and impact lgical thinking. But AIBU to be upset they apparently have no heart or soul? Esp as the underlying reason for the divorce, which I do not discuss with them as I am trying to keep them out of the proceedings so they feel they have both a mum and a dad, is this very core aspect that is lacking in their father. He now drops all pretence of any civility or niceness towards me even though we began the mutually agreed no fault process together.

Are you still in Rome?
are you home safely?

Thank you back now. I had to walk for hours to find the Embassy and an open police station to file a report for the insurance claim.It was late (10ish) and I eventually gave up at 1am as every police station claiming to be open was shut. So no insurance claim possible. I had the addded challenge to get to the coach meeting point in the morning to shuttle us to the conference which was in Assisi Umbria. St Francis certainly was on my mind.

When traveling I would have a concealed money belt, well my husband did as he was a cautious person. Sounds like you needed a plan B. When you are talking about alienation, do you mean your husband is alienating your children? Yes, of course they should have offered you assistance. Most people would do as much for a stranger. Pleased to hear you are home, hope things get better for you soon.

Parental alienation is a horrible thing to accuse someone of and doesn’t make sense when the children are almost adults with their own thoughts and opinions.

Have you asked them why they didn’t help more? Do they have the means to help and good reason to trust that you would pay back any lent money promptly?

Maybe they panicked and didn’t know what to do? Or just didn’t have the means? Good you got back ok, sometimes people let people down at the worst time, if there’s a history then it’s fair enough you’re hurt

The old days seem so much more robust. It has come off the back of months of each child ghosting or ignoring me completely, calling me names in a way that is beyond disrespectful (‘arguments’ seem to be situations where they sling names at me putting me down, while I, naively, continue to sit in my role as mum and ask for them to speak in a way that is respectful and explain what is the issue as it seems to end up being a series of constant attacks) so I no longer recognise what has happened to any of them, especially with no incident to have prompted it. Home after a week away and it is even worse for me now.

I am not accusing them of anything, and would never launch into them as they are kids wondering what happens while we divorce. I only share the term here (as it is a parenting site) for context. It makes sense to me when there is nothing specific that has caused it as I am the first person to think things are my fault. None of them showed any real interest. The STBXH’s lack of engagement during or after was especially noticeable, esp as we are still using shared matrimonial funds and I am constantly trying to minimise household expenses. A follow up to see whether this would impact on those would be expected as I withdrew a sum to have EUR20 a day. All gone.

You need to stand up for yourself.
Stop allowing your children to abuse you.
What age are they?
Talk to Women's aid for advice.
Are you covering for an affair etc?
If so stop.
Stop accepting being their punching bag.
Can you visit family for a holiday?
If so do it.
Stop doing ANYTHING for them.
No laundry, cooking, shopping and driving.
A friend of mine came home to a right mess after a week away at work, last year.
She turned around and walked straight out without saying a word to her husband who was working upstairs.
She went to stay at her mothers for another week.
She texted them all to say she wasn't coming home until the house was completely sorted AND that they figured out how to share the load.
It was the best thing she ever did.
She no longer does any laundry for any of them. She eats out at lunchtime all week whilst at work and no longer shops for food.
She cracked, but is in a much better place mentally, having finally stepped back.
Any questions she says ask your father.
She has 3 children 18-21 and it was a long time coming.
Interestingly they are taking delivery of a log room for her to work from home. She is so glad she went for the larger model as it is HER space and is going to be set up so that she can get away from them all even to sleep.
It has been shocking for her teens, but they have adapted.
She did so much for 20+ years and it was largely thankless.
She cooked one night and the appreciation was off the scale.
She wishes she had done it years ago.
I'm not sure her marriage is going to make it though, as she seems very detached. However, she lives in a great urban setting and with university to be got through still, it makes sense financially to not split. The log room is going to help things on that score as she will have her own space. Her friends have christened it her "gin shed"...
She is so grateful that she has the independence of working full-time.

Thank you for taking the time to write all this. I have sought advice from specialists in the underlying psychopathology and your message resonates. I really appreciate it.