AIBU?

[alexis97]

Hi Mumsnet,

So we got back from our holiday yesterday, it was a 12 hour day of travelling and safe to say I was feeling it today, I ran round and washed all the clothes and got the house pulled together as holidays are full of carnage. We went with our 2 and a half year old and 4 month old. So after a long day of cleaning and sorting the kids after holidays my husband wanted to go to a wedding with his friends, no big deal I want him to go and enjoy himself. Kids are unsettled as you can imagine after the change of time differences. Husband said he was staying for a couple of drinks which was fine I want him to enjoy time with his friends. He then told me he planned on coming home at midnight. Midnight rolls round and he's not home, he then tells me he's drank too much and has to sleep it off in his male friends hotel room and won't be back till 8am in the morning. Am I an a hole for kicking off? I feel like he's been really unreasonable and took the mick out of me. I never get to go out with my friends and if I did this to him he'd be livid. I pretty much lost it.

Not an asshole at all. Make a plan to go out for yourself next weekend and leave him to it

To add, if I didn't message him at 1am to tell him to please be quiet coming in he wouldn't have told me he was staying out till early hours.

You’ve described a situation which woudlnt be out the realms of my household. Aside from the fact he wouldn’t have informed you he was staying out unless you texted…
im not sure I can help much really because I guess it depends how much it affects you. Sometimes I can shrug it off and not really be upset by it, other times, like you is lose my shit. Is he likely to apologise in the morning?

Not a a hole at all I'd be livid OP what was his response to you loosing it? X

He was apologising and saying he will make it up to me, I don't accept that because that seems to be his get off the hook card. If I'm late out of somewhere or if the shoe was on the other foot he'd be fuming. Apparently he didn't think there would be an issue and he's sorry he's upset me, apparently it upsets him knowing I feel this way

Turns out he only had 2 pints but was planning on drinking more. He's on his way home because he's under the limit. Safe to say he won't be getting a warm welcome from me. He really has took the mick out of me and not the first time. I love him but I'm tired of him.

YANBU it's totally out of order whether you had been away or not, you're supposed to be a team who can rely on each other to make good decisions.

I would absolutely plan to get the time back next weekend so he has the responsibility you carried yesterday. Night out? Spa break? Go enjoy yourself.

Oh and don't be robbed off by any wording that implies you're the unreasonable one or he's sorry that you are upset. He needs to be sorry he's let you down.

And you believe he stayed with a mate? 🧐🤔

Sorry OP but if he only had 2 pints and was fit to drive why was he intending not coming home? Surly if he was going to drink more he would have done so by 1 a.m.?

The double standard is the issue.
As you are growing tired of him, it sounds like a pattern.
Sort out your contraception would be my advice.

Yes. I'm afraid I'd be asking him a few questions about his story as it doesn't really hang together at all.
What ever the truth he has showed total disregard and disrespect for you OP.

I think the drink driving is more of an issue. I doubt he only had two pints. But I don't think I would be upset over this. Years ago when my kids were small we would both have a night out with mates now and again and sometimes end up sleeping over or rolling in drunk. I certainly don't think it's a hill to die on. If he was doing it every week or regularly that would be different, but it was a wedding.