Ladies, I'm in desperate need of some advice please?
I've been with my partner for just over 18 months. We're extremely happy and have plans for our future.
I have been cheated on by every long term partner I've had and my last boyfriend was particularly gross in his behaviour towards me. For this reason I know I find it really difficult to trust. My partner was also cheated on in a big way and has trust issues because of it so from the start of our relationship we've been open and honest about everything - warts and all!
Last week, he was talking about an old female friend and it stirred something up inside me. I don't know why but it just bothered me. Just to add I'm not a jealous person. He has other female friends and I don't mind at all but this just didn't sit right with me. It was like a gut instinct. Curiosity got the better of me and I went through his phone. I know I shouldn't have done it but I did. There was nothing untoward on there other than this conversation between him and this friend. I already knew that they were FWB for a while but he gave me the impression it was nothing more than that and just fizzled out.
I found a message to her said that he's waited for her for so long but never seems to know where he stands. He suggested they meet up and talk about this because if she wants him he needs to hear it from her. This message was sent 2 days after he asked me to be his girlfriend, 6 or 7 weeks after we had started seeing each other. It was also the same night he had introduced me to his brothers at a party and it was sent at 0400 while I was asleep next to him!!
The next message from her was a couple of days later and it was a single message from her saying 'don't ring the bell as (daughter's name) is asleep' so I'm guessing from that he went to see her. This was sent a few days after that other message. That night I was at a family party and was staying in a hotel with my mum. He stopped replying to my messages at 23:45 and I assumed he'd fallen asleep. No prizes for guessing what time she messaged him! I didn't hear from him until 10:30 the next morning.
The third and final message was a month later, he said 'sorry I missed your call, I was on the phone' so obviously they were still talking at this point. There's nothing since.
I honestly don't know what to do about this. We were both pretty messed up when we met, I was so insecure and he had a bit of a drug problem. He's since stopped all drug use, seen a GP and started medication, had counselling and is honestly a different person. He's kind, attentive, loving and he makes me feel safe. He's completely open with his phone and never shows any signs of suspicious behaviour etc. We have really good communication and up until this point I thought we were solid.
I feel like he was the closest I'd come to really trusting someone and this has absolutely broken me. Part of me feels like it was early on and he was in a bad place at the time but I just can't shake this feeling that he only stayed with me because she didn't want him (I'm assuming). Also, when you're fresh in an exclusive relationship, surely that's the time when you're besotted with one another and wouldn't even have the headspace for anyone else even if you were the sort of person to cheat, right?? Now I feel like I'm just second best. I also feel like those early days are completely ruined in my mind and when he mentions something from that time in our relationship all I can think about is the two of them.
I also had absolutely no idea about any of this so he's clearly quite good at covering his tracks.
I honestly don't know what to do. Any advice would be really appreciated xx