Family member keeps asking to borrow money

[SunshineonLeaves]

Not much and they always pay it back but it puts me in a really awkward position.

I earn more than them but I don’t see why I should keep helping them out because we’ve made different choices.

In addition we recently had a small inheritance each, it’s none of my business what they spent theirs on but it shows what they are like with money.

Should I be the nice person and help them out or stop being a mug?

But are they not just using you for interest free loans? It doesn't really encourage them to stand on their own two feet and resolve the reason why they have to keep asking you for money. Ultimately it might make you feel all warm and fluffy inside but you are not actually helping them towards financial resilience in the long term. What happens if you die and they've been depending on other people to bail them out for over 20 years? Who's going to help them then?

Surely you just say
sorry I can’t this month
and then move on with your life and this is no big deal.

I would never lend money to anyone. If close family were in dire straits I might give them a gift, but only once.

If you like them and can afford it, you could say that you'll lend them the money, but they can keep it.

So next time they need to borrow it, they already have.

Problem solved.

If you're in the position to do so, could you say no need to repay the latest loan, use the money to be back in the green this month but unfortunately I won't be able to provide any further loans.

Just say no.

No is a complete sentence.

It'll be difficult. Say you can't and you don't want to talk further about it.

For fucks sake if you can’t lend family a hundred quid for a month when you got thousands in the bank then it’s a poor show….I don’t give a flying fuck about a months interest on a hundred quid….and the family member is 62….they are well past the standing on their own two feet stage…..there’s fuck all to resolve….they work a bit here and a bit there ……so sometimes they make good money but spend it and sometimes they don’t and they borrow it and then give it me back the following month……feck all to do with me but I’m happy to help them …..they’ve been good to me in other ways …..and when I’m dead they’ll have to rely on one of their 4 kids who are all starting to earn now….make me feel warm and fluffy ?😂😂😂…. So I’m just not fucking hard faced…..when I got a fully paid for house, a salary, a pension and a very healthy bank account ……certainly dont think I’m Mother Theresa😂😂

Start with the word No. Just say, No I can’t lend you money. You don’t need to say sorry. Keep repeating no and say you have to go/stop messaging etc.

I do think that if they are unable to borrow it then after a few weeks they will have learned to manage their money better. They will have to. So it is enabling behaviour, I think.

The only way I know of to put a stop to it without much hassle is to ask them for money yourself. They'll give you a swerve if they've think it's dried up.

I'm waiting for a sibling to ask me for a loan, I just know it's a matter of time.
I've helped them out multiple times.
Yes, they always pay me back. However, it makes me feel like a cash machine.

More recently, my suggestion/advice was that they combine all of their loans into one manageable amount, it means extending the mortgage by 5 years.
Their reply was no, we don't want to do that.
When they come to me asking for money I'm going to give them the same advice, ans no money!

I had a family member who did this. I was their personal overdraft. One time, i was working full time, earlier in the day they asked to borrow some money. I hadn’t responded. After work i was rushing to collect kids, make dinner etc. i got a stern phone call asking why id not transferred? They were at the supermarket and their card was declined! That was the end for me. No more

Totally agree- sometimes at the end of the month I have to ask my family member for a small loan- usually only up to £20.00 I always pay it back within a few days. Less often but occasionally they do the same with me as our wages are at different times of the month. There's no issue we both pay each other back. It's not always about poor money management some months are just tricky sometimes wages just don't quite stretch. I don't know why some people think it's such a bad thing.

OP it's absolutely your choice- if you're not comfortable loaning that's up to you and you can say no.

If you are starting to feel resentment, then the healthiest thing to do for your relationship, is to find your no and use it.

This is the same for me l, I don't see the issue with it at all.

Well good job you not got some of these hard nosed posters as your family …..I mean if you were part of my family and I couldn’t see fit to lend you 20 quid I would be ashamed of myself …..but I do me…..so everyone else can do their thing …..OP doesn’t want to lend then say no 🤷

I'm in a very fortunate position whereby for the last three years my business has taken off and my income is somewhat way above what it used to be.

I have helped close family and a very close family member with a lot financially over the last two years
Sadly I stopped because it was never given to be paid back at any point however the life choices of this family member are what's causing the hardship. That and the choice to not work more than 12 hours a week whereas I normally put in anything upto 70 some weeks

I also find other family seem to tell me about how much things cost and how much they can't afford now one of them is in a far better position than myself whereby they own their house outright and have four income streams and very low outgoings

I find myself having to bat off the comments a lot with them quite often as it instantly gets my back up now

I've recently had to change something within my business which makes it obvious I'm earning over a certain amount and so that started a flurry of
"Well your doing well,lucky you,wish I earnt that much"

In which I tend to reply and invite them to do my working and home life week as well as all the admin and correspondence,oh and that I have to pay my own pension holiday pay and sick pay it's the only way to shut them up op

You must feel like their overdraft bank account, which I can understand is a hassle.

Do they pay it back quickly or do you have to chase and chase?