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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to do about this problem

7 replies

seedsofhope · 21/06/2024 18:48

My H is caring and pulls his weight with 2 disabled DC. He is a very clean man, isn't a slob, always cleans and tidies up. Does things with us, helps care for DCs. Shows a lot of love for me and DC

But he has anxiety issues and self medicated with alcohol. Once a week, usually, he will drink in the evening and then have a horrible mood the next day. During the week, he doesn't do this. And if he does, he won't at the weekend

The alcohol he drinks isn't loads, well at least less than what I hear most dependent drinkers have. It's about 2 glasses of JD and coke. And a beer or 2

He takes Sertraline tablets but they only do so much.

He never says anything horrible. But he's clearly down in the dumps and difficult to be around. Irritated easily. It's just annoying

This then translates to him frequently missing out on some stuff with the DC because he feels like shit

I am getting a bit fed up of it. It is obviously having an impact on us as a family. The kids are very happy. But it then makes things less doable because he doesn't feel up to doing certain outings etc

Life is bloody hard work. We have it harder than most. It's difficult. I get it.

I have never drank alcohol (beyond a few sips or so). I don't smoke. So I don't really 'get' the appeal because surely feeling like crap the next day would put you off?

Also, it gives you a terrible mood when it's wearing off

It was a lot worse before. But it was clear it couldn't continue with the commitments he had and so it reduced massively.

However, there's still a massive issue

He did try and give it up altogether but found he couldn't then function is situations he needed to be calmer in, such as airport, family get together, seeing friends or family etc. He says the alcohol makes these things doable and absolutely nothing else works like it

What on earth can I do? I don't want to lose him.

OP posts:
seedsofhope · 21/06/2024 18:51

Should also add, whilst drinking, he is delightful and very happy and chatty

I feel bad begrudging him because life can be utterly soul destroying at times. Who wouldn't want to be that calm and happy if they can? But the side effects are obviously an issue and why it's not good.

I have numerous friends from my DC's special school, and most of the mums drink regularly to unwind... Difference is, I am guessing their hangovers aren't as bad

My H's seem bloody awful

OP posts:
yeesh · 21/06/2024 18:55

How on earth does he get a hangover from only 2 drinks?

seedsofhope · 21/06/2024 18:55

yeesh · 21/06/2024 18:55

How on earth does he get a hangover from only 2 drinks?

It's not 2 drinks

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2024 19:01

Your husband has a serious problem with alcohol. If he can't function socially without alcohol, alcohol is not the answer. His drinking is still negatively impacting you and your family life, therefore it's still a huge problem. Taking AD's on top of this is not helping.

You are going to have to have a very blunt discussion with your husband that he is alcohol dependent and it's not working. Your marriage will not be able to survive the resentment that is building, and the example he is setting for his kids is totally unacceptable.

Hankunamatata · 21/06/2024 19:22

He neda to go back to GP and discuss medication. He could need higher dose or change of meds or adding in an anti anxiety medication

Mydahliasareshit · 21/06/2024 20:00

Is there a possibility that he is drinking more than you think out of sight OP?

Mummy2024 · 21/06/2024 20:08

seedsofhope · 21/06/2024 18:55

It's not 2 drinks

I think your misrepresenting how many drinks he has because your concerned about judgement OP.

You wouldn't be concerned about 2 jd and cokes and a couple of beers once a week and this wouldn't give him the type of hangover that you can't function and be grumpy.

You've said it used to be alot worse, so he's cut down to once a week that's good.

The truth is if he doesn't want to stop drinking once a week (if that's all it is) then you can't make him. Only he can decide to give it up full stop.

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