Widower issue

[herewegoagain1960s]

I live in a small cul de sac and lost my husband 3 years ago. I'm early 60's.

I've done nothing about thinking about a next chapter as I'm quite happy with the way things are.

My neighbour lost his wife a few week's ago, funeral was only last week. All the neighbours have offered help but it's me he tends to ask which is fine as I'm next door. Happy to help out. I'm able bodied and independent so I am in a position to offer support. His daughter asked me to an eye on him as he's approaching 80 and really quite disabled. His daughter isn't local. This week he called and asked if I could help him put eye drops in so been going in 3 times a day.

Wednesday, he said he'd make dinner to say thank you. I agreed to go. I'm astonished that he has said that he would like to go on dates with me and that he has always felt there was a spark between us.

I certainly don't feel the same way and probably handled it badly as I'm conscious he's recently widowed. I said I can offer friendship but that's all. I think it's fallen on deaf ears as he really does look at me with fondness and suggested an outing next week.

It's made me feel really uncomfortable. I know I'm going to have to have a more pointed conversation but I really hate hurting peoples feelings.

Any advice?

Jeez, what an old codger my mom would say ! That poor wife. Tell him you’re looking for a very rich men only.

Tell him that your dh was the man for you and that’s were it stops. You are happy to be a friend. This is making you uncomfortable so you won’t be round for a few weeks.

Being blunt with him was the right thing to do, but prepare for him not taking no for an answer. I really hope this doesn't happen, but...

I helped a neighbour in similar circumstances. He was divorced, not widowed but none the less very lonely.

I started out by picking up a few groceries for him when he was shielding during Covid. When he asked me out on a date I said I wasn't interested in him in that way but would like to remain friends. He seemed to take that quite well.

Over time, he became a bit demanding. Calling me saying he was ill and needed help, just to get me round there. Bolting out to chat to me every time I was leaving the house, as he'd heard my front door shut. Doing the same when I returned home, he would watch for my car. Tried to invite himself on a weekend away I booked for me and my kids. Eventually he questioned me about a male friend he saw visiting my house and got quite upset.

I ended up having to block his calls and ignore him completely.