Very uncomfortable

[Eden889]

Separated from cheating, abusive ex husband. Divorce hasn’t started yet, I will have to initiate as even though he left for the married OW, there hasn’t been a push as yet.
We communicate re. children and I try to be as amicable as possible at changeover times but contact is limited due to extensive emotional abuse which I am thankfully recovering from and my children and I are happy and safe in our home.
Last night at a school event, husband was to
drop off (parents weren’t to attend) and I was to pick up DC as he only does after school visits, no overnights mid week due to work.
When I arrived to pick up, he was there too. He spoke with DC for a moment, then we got
to leave, separately. As we were walking out, he turns and says let me take a photo of you and the children. I politely said no and suggested just the children, he completely ignored it and took a couple of pictures.
I just feel really uncomfortable knowing he has pictures of me on his phone, I know this may sound silly but he really wore me down at the end of our marriage, like really and it just felt like a simple boundary that I wanted to uphold and I couldn’t.

I think you handled the situation really well - you said no and remained civil in front of your children, it's not your fault that he's an arse and did it anyway.

Unfortunately abusers don't change and he will continue to try to upset you by whatever means are open to him, so continue with limiting your exposure to him (as that is the only way to reduce the abuse, as I'm sure you know already) and be open with your children in an age appropriate way about their father's behaviour.

It's likely that he ignores their boundaries in the same way he ignores yours sadly so don't feel you must never call him out on his behaviour; there is a difference between badmouthing a parent ("Your father is such a twat, he is an absolute disgrace to humankind, what an awful person he is"") and modelling healthy boundaries to a child ("It was wrong of Daddy to do that after you asked him not to, I'm sorry that happened").

is he in denial that you are getting divorced? Why would he want photos of you to keep? Maybe text and ask him to delete as you feel it’s inappropriate

He should have respected it when you said no. I’m sorry he didn’t. I think you have to put it out of your mind though as if he knows it’s bothered you he’s still able to control your feelings. Don’t give him that satisfaction.

Thank you everyone. I do all of the above - he wasn’t supposed to there at pick up but he is always pushing boundaries. Peering in my windows at pickup, driving past the house. It was just a picture but I politely said no and it must have triggered something in me when he just did it anyway. There was no need - he already had a picture of the children.
No regrets regarding divorce - he has been actively seeing many other people since we separated.