Pregnant and breaking up because boyfriend keeps lying

[K38373647]

I've been in a long distance relationship with my partner for over a year, I'm 30 weeks pregnant (we had been together 9 months when I got pregnant which I guess was too soon to really know someone). I'm 34 he is 24.
He was mostly a good boyfriend but he won't stop lying to me and after this last time Im just done. he had just moved into my house 2 weeks ago after being long distance and only seeing eachother every other weekend this whole time and now ive thrown him out again already after finding out he lied to me about drugs. He had a stash of drugs in his house which he said he didn't take anymore and would get rid of before he moved in (I made it very clear he is not bringing that stuff into my house) and when asked he kept telling me he had got rid of it and even swore on his sister's life. But it turns out he didn't get rid of it.(I don't think he brought it into my house but left it hidden at his parents house where he was living before)

Previously 3 months ago he went on a night out with a friend who I know takes cocaine so I wasn't happy about it anyway but he said he would only have 2 drinks but he ended up staying out all night and taking cocaine and then tried to lie to me about it. We came very close to breaking up after that but he turned up at my house crying and begging me and I ended up giving him one last chance, he swore he'd never lie again or take drugs. He has also lied multiple times about porn use.

I really hate liars as I've been lied to and cheated on by multiple ex's and have trust issues already because of that (which he knows but still continues to lie). When found out he cries and begs for another chance and swears to never lie again but keeps doing it.

I now don't feel like he is a safe person to have around my children (I also have a 6 year old from a previous relationship) as he is obviously not actually willing to give up drugs and I can't trust him. Since I kicked him out he is staying in a hotel and refusing to leave the area and go back to where he is from, he is saying he will get a flat here and wants shared custody of the baby. I don't want him near me and I don't want him to have any custody of the baby as he is a liar and won't give up drugs and I don't think he's fit to be a parent. What should I do? I'm very stressed out with all this. I know I'm stupid for getting pregnant with someone like this in the first place but I really thought he was a good person

I think you're doing the right thing by separating from him both for you and your children. Too many red that's to ignore.

I think you should have been more sensible as the older person in this and not got pregnant to such a young immature person.
Trust issues and an aversion to being lied to, does not fit with having a LDR. It's the liars that prefer to enter into these relationships as they can hide allsorts due to distance. They don't want to be found out.
Its a bit of a mess. Keep him at a distance for now, block him on everything and don't communicate until the baby is born. You've got 10 weeks, hopefully in that time, his money for a hotel will run out and he will go home, back to where he has connections to obtain more drugs when they run out too.
A plus side to his age is that he might be more fickle, not have staying power and you already know he's all mouth and no trousers, so he could move on to his next life drama and leave you alone.
After your baby is born, you should expect some minimal communication. In case he does get an epiphany and turn his life around enough to be a DF. Don't expect that though as it happens rarely.

What were you thinking getting pregnant by someone who is young, immature and you don't know and also putting your 6 year old at risk. Words fail ?!

He's an immature prat and you've done the right thing.

That said he's 24 and most 24 year olds I know are twats. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that but as a 34 year old woman why on earth would you try and have a serious relationship with someone who's brain is still developing? Ick.

Obviously you're right, he's not a safe person to leave a baby with and I'd make sure that he never gets the chance to.
On the other hand, what were you thinking?
You already have a 6-year old, now a baby on the way. Could you please start examining your own poor decision making and what leads you to get into these situations in the first place? If not for you, then for the two children who have to grow up under your care and keep getting burdened with witnessing these situations.

Yes absolutely get rid.

No contact, block him. Tell him before you do that if he wants to stay in touch then the first thing you will do in response is inform social services about his drug use and request drug testing and supervised contact. The baby’s name will be your choice, they’ll have your surname. He won’t be on the birth certificate. He will pay maintenance but you won’t be interacting with him or housing him. If he’s serious about staying in touch then he will, and I guess you take it from there.

He will probably give up after a while if he realises you’re not going to house him and pay for him. If not - then fine. He has that right.

Give the baby your surname, the name you want, and don’t put him on the birth cert whatever you do. People on here will say that you should, it’s your baby’s birth record etc. But far more important than that right now is the fact that putting this unknown man on the certificate from the start gives him parental rights and NO that is absolutely not what you want unless he proves himself worthy - if so, he can go on later. Once he’s on the certificate he can have a say in where you live, health, education, everything about the baby - and if he decided to up and take the child the police would do NOTHING until you actually got a court order to get your baby back. Don’t hand him that power unless he comes good AFTER the birth and proves that he’s serious about parenting and its responsibilities.

I didn't go looking for someone so young to date, we met on randomly on a discord server and got chatting its not like I was on dating apps searching for young men. I was very unsure at first due to the age difference but we got on so well and he honestly seemed really mature at first, more mature than most guys my own age I've dated. We had a lot of philosophical conversations and he really seemed to not be like a typical early 20s guy but someone who genuinely just wanted to settle down and have a family. It's only really since I've been pregnant that I've realised how immature he can be and obviously it's too late now.

I will admit to having terrible judgement of men it's not the first time I've seriously misjudged someone and tbh I don't think I will be bothering to date again. I just want to do what is best for my children. I have blocked him but I wouldn't be surprised if he turns up at my house begging like he did last time.

If he turns up, you don’t answer the door to him. Block his number and definitely don’t put him on the birth certificate. Claim child maintenance from him but it’ll probably disappear very quickly.

We had a lot of philosophical conversations and he really seemed to not be like a typical early 20s guy
always a good reason to get pregnant after knowing someone less than a year and move him in with your child, jesus wept!

Completely unhelpful post from me. Why the hell have you procreated with this waste of space ????