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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel stupid about fancying a colleague

5 replies

ElizabethZott1961 · 21/06/2024 01:35

I feel mortified about this. I've worked with this guy for almost six years and I've always been attracted to him, though not in the sense that I would do anything about it. He's married with children anyway. Nor in the sense that I think about him or fantasise or anything because I don't, I don't dwell on it. But occasionally it creeps up on me. Today we had a meeting together which we do once a week anyway and he just looked hot. It was what he was wearing I suppose that heightened the effect. And I have thought about him during the evening and felt mortified about that. I also dream about him sometimes. He's a fantastic colleague, very supportive, the best workmate ever to be honest. We disagree on occasion but really get on well. Changing my job isn't an option, I love my work. He's no idea that I fancy him and I don't want him to know. I just feel like a teenage airhead sometimes.

OP posts:
XChrome · 21/06/2024 03:11

As long as it stays just a fantasy, I don't see the harm. Just don't try convincing yourself you're in love with him, because then you might do something embarrassing.
Attractions happen. We don't have to act on them.

ImustLearn2Cook · 21/06/2024 04:07

Try to reframe it in your mind as: this man has qualities that you hope to find in a future partner one day. Remind yourself that there are men out there who will have these similar, attractive qualities who will be available.

The more you focus on trying not to think of him or not being attracted to him the more you probably will. So, just reframe it. Make it into not such a big deal.

ElizabethZott1961 · 21/06/2024 10:09

@ImustLearn2Cook Yes I've often thought that guys like him give you hope there are more of them somewhere!

OP posts:
SloaneRaver · 21/06/2024 13:34

I agree with others, you're not mad of stone! He has qualities that are appealing. You're allowed to appreciate them.

ElizabethZott1961 · 22/06/2024 13:39

I told my friend and she said "don't start stalking him" . I was quite upset about that. Why would I stalk him?

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