DH and I have two youngish kids, 6 and 9. The 9 yr old can be challenging and volatile and we have always clashed on how to parent him. DH has a temper. He is never physically violent and I have no fear that he would be. But his patience is minimal and he is very quick to shouting which drives me mad. DS and I are both quite noise sensitive. I am fairly patient and calm so we are opposites. If DH shouts at DS, it escalates so fast. DH will not then talk calmly to him as he has lost his temper. DS shouts back, and on it goes.
Sometimes, I try to intervene to calm the situation down which does the opposite. DH feels like he is being undermined, which, if I’m honest, he is, because I hate the way he is handling it. As much as I try to be supportive, my kids know I don’t like how DH is dealing with things and this is causing so much tension. When he shouts, they look to me to intervene. They don’t respect him and I fear it’s my fault. I have tried to talk to him calmly about things but nothing ever changes, even if he does see my point of view.
I love my husband but we are currently not talking over this argument which recurs frequently and I have no idea how to move forward.
To add…he is a great dad. Does all the normal dad stuff. Very present, laughs, jokes with them, builds dens, takes them to clubs etc. They adore him when he is not yelling at them! Would love to talk to anyone who has worked through similar.