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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me understand him please

3 replies

Chiccapea · 20/06/2024 20:04

Urgh, please don’t judge me. And sorry this turned out long.

I have a bit of a crush on my boss and I know that it’s mutual but obviously not ok because of our work relationship. And I am currently in the process of moving internally to a better role and he has been super supportive. Anyway, that’s not the main issue.

When I say supportive I mean it. I really made a big mistake in work and he had been absolutely fantastic support and really protective. I think I’m a bit in awe of him because he just doesn’t seem bothered or worried ever and just sails through everything. I mean I really messed up but somehow he has managed to spin it around so I’m now seen as a “tragic victim of circumstance” or whatever he called it, and I seem to be getting out of it all without consequences somehow.

So yeah, I do really admire this and I have no idea how he does it but several things happened this week that made me feel uneasy. He asked me to forward him something and I asked why and I really didn’t like the response. While this would all be good for me it meant that he would be throwing someone else under the bus for something that they hadn’t done. I told him that I wouldn’t do it because the other person had done nothing wrong and I didn’t want them implicated.
The other thing was that he mentioned that someone in our group was on leave because of “apparently some bereavement in the family”. This might sound stupid but I could tell that everyone was saddened to hear this because we care about our colleague. He was the only one who seemed irritated by it all and I kept thinking that this was very strange.

I know that I have waffled a lot, and I apologise for it. I do like him and I feel really drawn to him but something just registered in me this week, and im trying to understand it. Something about his comments just isn’t right and I’m wrecking my head if I’m just misinterpreting things which is of course an option.

OP posts:
Plantmother71 · 20/06/2024 23:49

People make mistakes but it’s how they handle it that matters. I think you’ve maybe realised that coming clean is best. You’ve seen that he can play dirty. He’s now trying to throw someone else under the bus? It doesn’t sound like he has many morals. And in this position he has protected you and if this mistake and the cover up come to light you will both be in a lot of trouble - though you do realise that he’s likely to throw you under the bus at that point as he will do all he can to save his own skin?

I think it might be best if you leave your job and get as far away as possible from him. You sound a little bit naive and he just sounds like an unpleasant person.

Opentooffers · 21/06/2024 01:02

Don't admire him for covering up your mistake and having no scruples about throwing someone else under the bus instead.
He's at best a poor boss, but this wreaks of favouritism and also, with the power imbalance, he may want to claim favours from you in return. The way he's handled it all has just made it all the more awkward. All this could have knock on consequences for you. If your mistake was not a stackable offence, I think it's best you own it ( maybe even if it is). Otherwise you owe him, and he has enough power over you as it is.

Anon751117000 · 21/06/2024 10:48

Sounds like he covered up for you because he fancies you. That is not a good boss.

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