Am I right to be annoyed with DH?

[Itstoohottobehormonal]

Hey,

This could be long, so I'll try and keep it as to the point as possible without leaving anything relevant out.

For context, DH and are are mid to late 30's with 2 dc.

I am in the 3rd trimester of a high risk pregnancy.

I have had lots of medical appointments for this pregnancy.

The other day I had an appointment, which DH mentioned to sil who is mid 20's.

She asked if she could pick DC up from school.

We already had childcare lined up, but agreed and cancelled our usual childcare.

The day of my appointment rolls round, we come home to me to find sil, dc and sil's friend who I've never met in our home.

I said hello, her friend said nothing.

After they leave I ask DH if he knew she was bringing her friend, he said yes he forgot to mention it.

I explained I wasn't happy, I don't even know this woman for her to be going with sil to collect our kids and I don't want strangers in my home that we've never met.

Baring in mind sil was not doing us a favour and wasn't asked to help us out in the first place.

The house wasn't tidy to the standard I'd allow anyone who wasn't a close relative in.

Even if it was I wouldn't have agreed had I have known this was the plan.

Close family have keys to our home, but this is for emergencies, but it's got to the point where I feel like taking the keys all back because DH's family find little reasons to 'pop in' whilst we're not there.

TIA

You are not unreasonable - people just popping in whilst you’re not there? Nope - I would not be happy with that at all. It could also affect your insurance. I’d check the terms of that.

Meeting a friend to come to yours? I’d not be happy, especially if the kids are young. Maybe I’d feel different if it was teens of 14yrs +, but I’m guessing if they need to be picked up they’re of a younger age. And I like to know who my young children are in the company of.

Personally this wouldn't bother me, as long as SIL was there all the time. I'm not saying you're being unreasonable, as we all feel differently about these things, but maybe DH assumed you'd be fine with it?

Wow, this feels like a massive overreaction.

@Icanttakethisanymore fair enough, I'm happy to be told that maybe I have overreacted.

I think you're over reacting. Sil had clearly asked your DH and he'd said it was ok. Are you equal partners or does he need your permission for everything?

Eh? Affect insurance? How exactly?

@altmember of course we're equal partners, but it's my home as much as his and my children as much as his. I wouldn't agree to something in similar circumstances without speaking with him first. He spoke to me about sil picking up DC but not about her friend.

Just to add, this is not a friend he knows either. It was the first time he had met her.

2 different issues here. The SIL happening to have her mate with her - not the big deal you are making it.
Members of you DH's family coming into your home when you are out, just because they have a spare key for emergencies, is totally out of order.

I think you are right to be annoyed OP.
You should have been consulted over strangers coming into your home and especially strangers being around your DC .

Thank you all.

Good to hear a mixture of opinions on this.

😊

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d be glad sil wanted to help and you’ve got enough on your plate without getting worked up over this.

Massive overreaction to SIL and her friend, not unreasonable about family members letting themselves in

Wouldn't cross my mind to be annoyed about this at all.

Given you have a husband I can't see why anyone else needs a key

Is it really worth all this angst and and argument with you husband because he allowed someone who is friends with his sister into your home for a short period of time without getting your permission?

Does you husband have to ask your permission for every decision he makes?

I might be a bit "oh, who are you strange person in my house?!" But as long as I had a good relationship with SIL I don't think I'd mind. Obviously if it was a male that would be a massive no no and I'd be livid but not a woman. Nice that SIL wanted to pick up your DC - a lot of people would kill for that sort of family support/interest in their DC (I'm quite jealous 😆) so would let it slide!

Just realised your husband knew she was coming - in which case I'd definitely let it all slide! Not a big deal OP, just remind him to let you know next time.

You are overeacting a bit, especially if they helped you out.

Obviously if its an ongoing issue then thats different.
Why have you given them keys though? That is a bit wierd.