My mother is giving me so much anxiety about my yet-to-be-born child

[HungryPenguin89]

I would like to preface this by saying I love my mum, she is a very committed and loving person. Im currently pregnant with my first and she's made the time to come over for 4 weeks to help after my planned c-section. I live in the UK, but I'm not from here originally and she's coming over from abroad to stay with me and my husband. The problem I have is that she is so preoccupied with everything I'm doing and everything about my house and how it will affect the baby that I'm seriously starting to have serious anxiety about dealing with her, csection recovery and my new baby all at once. She's constantly on me about every ache and pain, about how many appointments I'm getting, about my cat smothering my baby or the baby swallowing cat hair and getting sick where the baby may get a draft, his sleeping arrangements (his cot being on an internal wall instead of an external). She's now insisting I should be getting a weekly scan despite having a totally uneventful pregnancy except having a low lying placenta. You can obviously understand that some of her worries aren't without validity, but the sheer onslaught of her worry for me and the baby is becoming a bit too much to bear. Have any of you experienced this? Any advice or pointers you can give me?

Text her everything is fine on repeat. If she calls and gets hysterical just cut the call short...
She sounds like one unwarranted helper...

She lives abroad! Limit the flow of information!

Can you send her home?
I had my mum over (also from abroad) for 6 weeks for the birth and afters for DS1, and honestly it marred the whole thing. Can you steel yourself for an honest and frank conversation?

Sorry, I thought she was here already. If not - cancel! And absolutely limit the flow of info.

I only speak to my mum once a week max so can't relate, but best thing is to tell her to mind her own business. And no way I'd want to have someone stay even after a C-section. I'd look at other options if you can like your husband taking extra leave.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. There was no avoiding my mother coming over as her flights had been booked and she spent a fortune on visas. This turned out to not only be a massive waste of money, but I now have serious doubts that our relationship will survive this. I have been moved away from the section list and will now give birth naturally. She has been here for less than a week and we've gotten into a spectacular argument about the fact she cant continue to smoke outside then come in with smoke ridden clothes inside with a newborn and that my indoor only cat is apparently a bigger danger to the baby because of germs and hair. I should go into labour any day now and I'm so miseable I've spent the entire morning crying. He's not even here yet and I feel like the worse mum in the world. For my own wellbeing I may have to send her home, sooner the better, before I go into labour as I dont think I can take much longer.

I'd be telling her to leave today because the relationship to your mother is not going to survive her interference long term. Such overbearing people are not loving, their actions are about power and control. Where is your DH here; he needs to support you fully in your mother leaving. Do not tell her either when your baby is born; give yourself a few days respite.

Oh no, OP.

Is there anywhere else she could stay?

This.

Your priority is your baby now.

I'm so sorry she's causing you so much anxiety when you're already at one of the most vulnerable times of your life.

If she can't adhere to the boundaries you request then she needs to leave. I can't believe she's even arguing the smoking one. The thought of a little newborn baby being held by someone whose clothes are stinking of smoke is quite upsetting and it's bizarre she doesn't get that.

Sorry OP, you have to put your baby first and the one way to do that is to put YOU first.

Invest in a rubber door wedge. If necessary you can blockage yourself +dc +snacks in your bedroom.. I have a feeling she won't respect your need for space /privacy otherwise..