Is this cheating?

[Strugglingatthemo]

Looking for advice on how to handle this and what everyone’s thoughts on if she is cheating or not as I feel really hurt

my partner and I work in the same industry but at different companies and I am friends with the office leader at his company as I used to work there

we meet once a month for pizza and wine and the past couple of times she has told me about his behaviour - she doesn’t know we are a couple yet as it’s relatively new

last night she asked for my advice and she felt my partner had started being overly friendly towards her - messaging her during the day to say hope things are well with her (while at the same time telling me he is too busy to message) and he had a conversation with her about whether she would ever move in with a new partner again!

he is away on a work trip but back tonight and I just don’t know how to navigate speaking to him about it or if I am over reacting and it’s really nothing!

I know you said she doesn't know he is your partner but does your partner know you are friendly with her and socialise with her?

Yes he knows - he knew we were going out for pizza and wine this week! When I told him - he told me he had sent her a picture of his dog as she really wanted to see it but never mentioned anything else

I wouldn't classify it technically as cheating. However it speaks loud of his poor behaviour towards women, and the little care he has towards you.
I wouldn't bother about him and end the relationship now is recent.

Well that is very strange behaviour. Unless he has a low opinion of her morals as regards friendship loyalty then he must have known she was likely to talk to you about the messaging.
Almost as though he is trying to annoy you/ make you jealous.

It does seem very odd behaviour to be getting friendly with a colleague who is also a friend of his DP. But maybe he likes living dangerously.

Is it possible that she knows the two of you are together (as in he's told her), and she's trying to undermine your relationship by spinning their communications as him being over friendly? (He said it was her asking for pictures of his dog etc)

Life is too short OP. I could t be bothered with any of this. If you have to ask then I think you already have your answer. Dating sucks sometimes!

It’s possible she is more into him and is making casual work messages more important in her head than they actually are?

For example, ‘Hi Josie, how’s it going today? Just finishing up on that report and I’ll get it to you this afternoon’, or her saying, ‘It’s great to have my own space back since I split up with Steve’, and your partner replying, ‘Ahh, you never know. Do you not think you’ll ever move in with someone again?’

I’d check with him before you jump to conclusions. Context is important.

Maybe she is fishing?

I think she suspects your relationship and she was testing you to see if you’d fess up about your relationship with him. I’d be inclined to take what she said with a pinch of salt.

It's not cheating, I actually think this woman is jealous tbh

I'm a bit confused as you say "if she is cheating" but then your partner is a he.

But from what I understand from your post - could it be that the woman is making it up? Maybe she has feelings for your partner (more than he has for her, maybe he just did send a pic of the dog) and is trying to stir things??

Sounds like she likes him and somehow worked out you're seeing each other and is being a jealous cow trying to cause trouble

Agree with this. The fact he told you he messages her makes me think its prob nothing, but if he doesn't message you that might be odd.

This stuff is so contextual and individual. Is he generally a friendly, chatty person? Does he have female friends? Or is that really out of character?

A lot more context is needed.

Lots are making assumptions that she is jealous but all these messages might be over a work type messenger so might just be an ongoing convo. Perhaps she is hoping it is over friendly and is giving herself false hope. Especially if she thinks he is single.

If you are relatively new, perhaps he sees nothing wrong in being friendly with a co-worker.

Personally, if you know about all of the messages. I would urge him to go public with your relationship. If he shows reluctance, then you have your answer and you can move on. I would have said his dog is really cute and friendly, and wait for the penny to drop for her.

For all you know, this could be nothing at all and you are gettig in a tiz over it.

messaging her during the day to say hope things are well with her (while at the same time telling me he is too busy to message)

Might not be cheating (or planning to) but seriously - you're worth more than that

You say your relationship with your partner is 'relatively new'. How new is 'relatively' new? What's the overlap between his relationship with you and the messaging of his colleague?

Walk away from that relationship.