Rarely have sex, feel like we are drifting apart

[gracekelpie]

We have two children under 3, dh works full time and I work from home, I take care of both children but when he's home he's a wonderful hands on dad and does his fair share of housework.

We never seem to get time to have sex.
We will be in touch throughout the day and mention how much we want to have sex but the time we actually get the kids to bed we are absolutely shattered and fall asleep.

The weekends are the same, dh works 6 days and is only off on Sunday, we will anticipate sex all day then the exact same thing happens, we fall asleep.

I feel like we are drifting apart because of it, we tend to bicker and get short tempered with each other and that then leads to no sex again.

It just seems like there is never enough time in the day. We don't have any family or childcare and I have anxiety about putting dc to nursery. So Its pointless suggesting that.

I don't know what I want to gain from this post, I'm quite emotional tonight and can't seem to find a way to bring romance and passion back into our relationship. We haven't had a single day together alone since ds was born 2 years ago.

Get a babysitter
Put the alarm on earlier in the morning before the kids get up. Or go to bed when the kids are napping.
Take the opportunity during the day for a snog and a cuddle even if not sex.

And try to chill! This is the worst bit, it's not forever and it sounds like the love is still there if you are flirting on messages etc

I don't have any advice just solidarity! I think it is difficult too because I compare it to what it was when we were younger and without children but, realistically, it wasn't just the absence of young children but the fact we were just much younger and hornier then! I tend to think this is part of the "for worse" part of the vows and we just have to get through it alive and together. Then when the kids are older and I feel sexy not tired again, we get the "for better" again!

It's your choice not to use nursery, and actually it's only going to hold them back. I doubt you can give them full attention at the same time as wfh and its also good for DC's to get the opportunity to interact with other similar age children.
As far as I can see, you are your own worst enemy. Until you find a way through your anxiety, nothing can be solved. I'm going to hazard a guess that using a trusted babysitter is out of the question due to your anxiety so no date nights ever either. This could be foreseen tbf.
Maybe some counselling to help with your anxiety. It's not great to let it get in the way of progress.

Whilst your kids are this young your sex life will suffer but it’s only temporary it will get better in time

And yes hire a sitter soon! Or just go in the bathroom for 5 mins together and put CBeebies on!

This one made me laugh out loud! that has been done in the past x

We used to drop them at birthday parties and race back for a tumble in the sheets. They get invited to loads of parties when they are young.

If grandparents offer to have them, snap their hands off and use the time for some intimacy.

Make time if it is important to you.

Why are you waiting until bedtime to have sex? Two children that age should be in bed by 7:30, get then down and go downstairs and have sex immediately! It doesn’t need to be 3 hours swinging from the chandeliers, but a nice romp on the couch and then off to bed for sleep is what we used to do when our kids were that small.

trust me it’s a lot harder now they’re older! We have to wait until silly o’clock or set an alarm and wake up early.

OP, do you feel desire? Do you lust after and fantasize about him?

Can he WFH one day a week and you can have a fun lunchbreak?

This is temporary. Your children will get older, start school, sleep better, and drain your energy levels a lot less than they do now.
However, your anxiety isn't going to magically disappear and it's going to keep getting between you and your husband. You need moments to be a mother, and you also need moments to be a wife, to let go of control and just have fun with your husband (sex or not). I really think you should look into some counseling for that.

For most men emotional closeness and feeling wanted is through intimacy
Get ready for him to have an emotional affair at work

One thing that jumped out at me is that he works 6 days a week. I was doing that for a while and I was tired all the time. In the evenings I would just have time to cook, wash up, sort laundry etc, then I'd be thinking about bed by 8 and usually asleep by 9. Plus you've got two small high-energy children. If sex is important to both of you (and it sounds like it is) you'll need to find a way to focus on each other in the time you have.