If you separated when your children were 1-4, how did/are they getting on?

[Ohlittleone]

We are having some difficulties in our relationship, nothing abusive or extreme but I am now at the pointing of debating whether to start looking towards going our separate ways (and I believe we would be able to do this amicably for the most part) or if we continue to try to work through things. I don't agree with staying for the children but I do believe that when you have children you have more of a reason to try to solve problems in your relationship than if you didn't. If we didn't have children I know I would leave because life would be much easier on my own than our current situation but I worry about the impact of separating on them. If your children were 1-4 years old when you separated, how well did they cope?

Hi my children were 2 and 5. Now teenagers and looking back the 5 year old struggled the most and even now as she remembers her dad living at home and spending time with him. My other child can’t remember and going to and from her dads every other weekend is what she has always known. So I guess the younger they are the ‘easier’ -though it’s not easy at all but hope you get my point. I remember my 2 year old forgetting why her dad wasn’t coming home and having to tell her in the nicest way he had left..again and again :(
My other one, well it was just awful and sad. Anyway just my experience but hope it helps x

My DS was 3, there was an initial period where when putting him to bed after he'd been with his father, he'd cry over him, that was hard to hear. Also, interestingly, for a day after a visit, he'd talk to me in a similar way, with the same lack of respect and attitude as his father had. It would then wear off and he was back being my sweet boy after, till the next time. Made me wonder what his DF was saying to him about me? I didn't get involved, bided my time, and knew that as he aged, he'd work out who has done more for him, and see the flaws in his DF for what they were.
He did, he loves me lots, I have no doubt. He's a well-adjusted, young man now, who makes me proud. The younger they are at the time, the better they deal with it ultimately. I tell him he has all the best traits of his DF, without the flaws, there were reasons why we got together after all, his DF had some good traits - sensitivity and thoughtfulness, and the same sense of humour.

My youngest two were 18 months and 3.5 yrs when we split up. I don't think they were particularly phased by it and adjusted quickly with no lasting effects. Eldest was dd 6, and she handled it pretty well too. I do think the younger they are the less traumatic it is for them to handle parents separating.

Eldest is now 15 and has a very strained relationship with her mother. Middle child now 12 and tolerates her, but mainly out of routine. Youngest is 10 and still has a moderately close emotional bond with his mother so far.

Left when kids were 4 and 1.
My eldest is at university, has a part time job, happy, lots of friends, optimistic about the future.
My youngest is monosyllabic, lacks empathy, not trying at school, seems to hate me, hates his father more..... he has friends though. Surprisingly. Not sure he is nice to them. I don't get it.