Partner projecting ??

[MrsKnob]

I've been in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship for a while now. I know I have to get out of it, it's just when and having the courage and confidence to do it. My partner has a drink problem and his whole personality changes after just one drink. He often turns nasty when drinking. He is also financially abusive where I have now access to family money and he's often secretive about finances as well.

Just recently he's started behaving strangely, over the weekend he accused me of gaslighting and this morning accused me of being controlling. It's strange because this is how he behaves towards me. I'm really not sure what to make of this. Has anybody been through this or have advice? It's a sudden change in him.

Sorry that's long and thank you for any advice

He's probably having some sort of affair (sorry, I know this is a standard Mumsnet answer). When men suddenly change, especially if they start accusing you of things, it's usually because they've met someone else either physically or emotionally. It's their way of minimising the guilt. If they convince themselves you are a horrible person, a controlling bitch or whatever, then they don't need to feel guilty about cheating on you because you thoroughly deserve it.

It's impossible to say. If someone's got an alcohol problem then their current mood is likely to have much more to do with their blood/alcohol content than anything else. I'd ignore it as much as possible and keep making plans for getting out. Have you considered contacting Women's Aid?

It's a tactic. "Make her out to be abusive so when she leaves I'm justified in playing the victim." It's a load of tosh and places like woman's aid have seen it a thousand times before.

Also, yes, he's probably having an affair.