Love......terrified out of my tiny mind!

[greeneyedgirl]

So, was at my dp's place on Friday, we were lying in bed...just kissing btw, and I suddenly felt this slow realisation come over me that I love him, although I wasn't about to declare it to him lol. Then weirdly he suddenly looked up at me and whispered that he loved me. Shock doesn't even cover it, wondered if he could see into my mind or something!!

Anyway, on to my point, we have been together for around 3 months and I am so, so, so scared of all this (have disasterous previous relatonship and failed marriage behind me). And although things are going well I just have this edgy, restless feeling of pure terror. It's like I am just waiting for things to collapse around me. He is lovely, but I am just so wary of being hurt again that I almost wish I didn't feel this way. Even though it is exciting and I am glad that he told me how he felt, I feel that my emotions are out of my control and my instincts are to turn and run away, which I am aware is pretty stupid.

I know it is not a dreadful problem by any means, but how on earth do I deal with this fear of hurt and allow myself to enjoy things instead of worrying so much? Having read this back I sound like a complete idiot, so apologies to all those rolling their eyes after reading this!

congratulations on having come so far- making a new start after the end of a serious relationship is hard, however it ended. You have managed to break out of your shell far enough to conect with a new person, and I think you should celbrate your brave actions.
Don't focus on the fear- (easy for me to say I know) try to break it down into why you are fearful. If the fear is only there because of what happend before then put it aside, if the fear is there because of how you think you are being/ will be treated then step back, and breathe.
you don't have to declare your feelings, and if you are as in tune as I suspect you are he will know anyway.

Dear greeneyed, what a lovely surprise. Congrats on the way this relationship is going. Don't let the past stop you from having a future. When our hearts are broken we grieve and look back towards what was lost and ask ourselves why. Now you have to look forward and allow this relationship to blossom. Stand back, don't be scared but enjoy every moment as it presents itself. Don't make longstanding plans, just relax and enjoy the company of this man.

You don't need to say anything, just squeeze his hand or give him a kiss, he will feel your love. When fear or worries come to mind, ask yourself why they're coming at that particular point in time and if it has anything to do with the relationship now or if it's in the past. If it's in the past, then step away from it and focus on the new relationship by saying 'This is different, this is new.' Write a diary and note down when you're feeling certain emotions and why you think you feel them. You will see a pattern emerge which you can deal with rationally, rather than just feeling it choke your heart and throat.

After a few more months maybe the new man in your life will ask you how your past was, how you felt, why you're so emotionally shy...then you should gently confide in him and say it means a lot for you to share this. A lover is also your best friend.

Wishing you well!