I (30F) come from a very dysfunctional/toxic family. I haven't spoken to my mother in years due to her severe NPD (she emotionally abused me as a child/I was family scapegoat), and have had an on-off relationship with my dad over my twenties (they are not together btw). I found out when I was around 28 that I am neurodivergent (autistic and ADHD), and I am certain my dad is too, though of course no diagnosis. He's drank heavily most of his adult life, and refuses to get any help or support for his mental health even though he's often very depressed and clearly has CPTSD like myself from his own family trauma and abusive relationship with my mother. On top of this, he completely neglects his physical health, hygiene, everything. It breaks my heart but despite my pleas for him to consider therapy he has refused. Told me he will cut down on drinking himself and whilst I think he has a bit, it's clear it's still his go-to way of coping. Since reconnecting after another year or so period of estrangement recently I can't bear being with him in person. I'm okay most of the time talking to him on the phone, so long as he's not having an angry meltdown, but he's been trying to support me with some household things recently (I'm also single and don't really have many close friends, so very alone), and each time I feel more and more stressed out by his presence. He looks very ill, like he's on the verge of a heart attack, but refuses to ever see a doctor. And he is constantly stressed out to the max, often aggressive/angry, and negative about everything and everyone. I just can't stand his presence. I don't want to completely cut contact because he does love me & I do love him but I feel like I'm going to need to at some point explain to him that I don't want any more in person meetings anymore, and be truthful about my reasons. The only exception to this would be if my brother was there too, and it was just a day-trip so no more than a few hours spent together. We also clash a lot when it's just me and him, and I feel like it just brings out the worst sides of me. Like the resentment underneath for him being an irresponsible parent just makes me struggle to be with him so much. Any advice/help would be much appreciated, thank you.