Emotional Affairs

[holly564]

So a little back story to my marriage , 10 year ago my husband had what I would call a text affair with a women he was working for. At the same time things came to ahead with him having a porn addiction that had him staying up every single night to watch porn. Things came to head after discovering the text chats with another women and my husband went for counselling to deal with his issues.

This seemed to work well and we have been rebuilding our marriage since. Recently a friends off my husbands was diagnosed with terminal cancer, it’s not a friend I really knew as it was through work. In the final two weeks of his friends life he was in a hospice and my husband visited everynight. During these visits my husband met his friends girlfriend and he said she was really nice and she had texted him during the day to let my husband know how his friend was doing. It’s is now 6 weeks after his friends death and my husband and his girlfriend are still texting each it other and in one message she told him she missing his hugs ! My husband hasn’t said anything inappropriate as in the past but is very in couraging off them keeping texting and has called her a few times and has never mentioned this to me . When I have confronted him about it he just claims that he was trying to support her out off respect for his friend. She has plenty off friends family etc for support. Would you consider this an emotional affair ?

Hi OP
really pleased you had an honest conversation with him
i hope that her contacts stays appropriate to the situation and he doesn’t have to send that message
but if he does I hope he is honest and open with you about how he writes it and how he feels about doing so

grief can do mad things to people. You’ve been very sensitive in how you’ve handled this which is amazing given your past history with his emotional affairs

your partner may benefit from some renewed counselling both for his grief and his boundaries with the opposite sex as others have suggested. I wonder if his colleague was close in age to him and when this happens to people it can make them very worried about their own health and mortality x

It sounds like you have dealt with that brilliantly.

I’m glad that on reflection he has realised that this does start to fall into old patterns.

I know well the fear after trust is broken but I also think we’re much more aware of the danger signs to deal with it quickly and effectively!

Crossing fingers that this is it for you and you can plough on feeling safer!