Do narcissistic type abusers have a tool box of techniques and nothing is actually real and truthful?

[Rainbow03]

I have never thought of this like this. My ex claimed he was abused and I felt so sorry for him because I knew how it felt. I thought he was sincere but he didn’t act in return like he knew how it felt. He didn’t show me the same compassion in return. He came in and out of victim and then explosive asshole in a split second. I’ve only thought of this now like 6 years later.

My daughter has said what he tells his gf now and it’s the same stuff. She tells me how this gf is so kind to him but all he does is sleep on the sofa.

What is going on? I know because his mum had mentioned that his dad was abusive. What it feels is that he is using the situation as a way of gaining control? Is this what they do, go through methods and use something that works? Does he know this abuse story makes people feel sorry for him and make others want to make him feel better? It’s a trap?

Yes. Narc's love to play the victim. There's lots of psychiatric research out there. So many people have come from abusive backgrounds... it's a choice they make, the more they choose to abuse, the harder it is to ever WANT or CARE to change. They can't change... because they have no sense of self, no empathy, no reason to be good. They are there own undoing.

They use the same tricks over and over. Same sob stories, same tactics such as lovebombing and gaslighting. They're extremely charming at first, or stay that way around those they need to keep sweet so their evilness is not fully exposed. And they lie, twist the truth and manipulate to get what they want and how they want it. They mirror all the qualities of their targets - think of them as glassy demons absorbing your light. Once they know you're done with their shit and know what they are... well ...

Narc's are incredibly fucked up. Once you map it all out, the dysfunction, it's mind blowing. A trail of messed up relationships, dc they don't see, job hopping, moving around a lot, leeching off others, substance abuse, odd behaviour that eventually repels well adjusted individuals when they recognise the pattern and see the little, emotionally stunted twerp for they are.

*their undoing

They will do or say whatever it takes to get what they want. And that includes being overpoweringly nice to reel you back in.

It worked for a long time. It was so messed up now I look back.

I’m guessing our relationship will be part of his act also? Well whatever twisted version that makes him look like a victim.