What do you think is going on here

[Appletree31]

I work in a nursing home. The man who does all the maintanance is my age (early 30s) he does the training too. He messaged me a few months ago on fb to thank me as i care for his grandparent. He kind of then for 2 days straight was sending me message after message. Kind of banter and flirting ever so slightly. Everytime he saw me he would pull my hair and sometimes go red. He also told me i was ways smiling and it was lovely to see. We had some training together and all morning he was messaging saying he wanted me to be his top fire expert and stuff. Then a couple of days after training we were messaging harmless chat to eachother and he just stopped replying.

A month later im on holiday and he starts leaving comments on my fb posts. Then he goes quiet again.

I messaged him twice since april about work stuff and he replies once and then doesnt reply or open the next message. He goes red in the face when he sees me.

I didnt realise as hes never ever mentioned it to me but hes actually engaged.

I feel a little confused by him and i have training with him next week. I feel like i must have done something to make him feel odd.
I am aware he has a girlfriend now so i wont be that woman. But i think ive read his signals wrong now.

I don't think it's anything you've done. He fancied a little flirt outside his relationship, but has now realised it needs to stop - perhaps he's been caught out. I'd keep the relationship distant, polite and professional from your side now, and don't let him pull your hair or anything like that.

I wouldn't waste time wondering what's going on in his head, whatever it is, this is not the kind of attention you want.
He sounds very childish in the style of his attention and he's a work colleague with a fiancé, it would be a mess if you ever did get further involved so just close that door in your head.

I'm sure the attention has been nice but give yourself a cold shower and put him out of your mind.

A player - avoid

Either he started feeling guilty about the excessive messaging or his fiancée found the messages and told him to stop.

You haven't done anything. Expect his girlfriend has seen the messages. Just be professional and treat him like any other colleague.

Men are so immature arent they. I sae his girlfriend tagged him in a post counting down to their wedding. I did notice he mainly messaged before 5pm. Must have been behaving when at home.

No. Some men are.

But this Everytime he saw me he would pull my hair I rhought we'd moved away from girls believing that if a boy does this it means he likes her?

A man who pulled my hair would get a slapped face.

I'd never message him again and only talk to him in work situation when absolutely necessary. Sounds like an ejit

I had a man in work who messaged me on Fb messenger a lot. Not flirting at all, but very friendly, called me his work wife, lots of jokes etc.

I’m married so wasn’t interested at all, but I never really viewed his messages as anything but a friendship anyway.

After about six months of this he suddenly stopped. It didn’t make a difference to me, but I learned that his wife had seen the messages and was upset that he spent so much time messaging. She quickly put an end to it.

I get one or two messages a year now, just to remind me that he considers me a friend, but he doesn’t want to be told off again I guess. I completely understand.

It sounds as though this is potentially what’s happened with yourself, but obviously it’s more serious if he was indeed being inappropriate. He may well be having to hand over his phone to prove he’s not behaving in this manner anymore.

I wouldn’t give it another thought. He doesn’t sound great to be honest.

Oh and just to add, my husband used to pull my hair in school. But he stopped by year 9.

I had this when I was 19, at my summer job. It was so strange because he was so flirty and so cute. I later found out he had a girlfriend…maybe he just enjoyed the ego stroke? Anyway…I went back to university and never saw him again. (This was before social media.)

You have done nothing odd. He is the one dating around and keeping you as a backup.
If you are happy with it carry on, if not give him a farewell.

He’s been caught flirting

Until I saw he has a girlfriend I was dead set on him fancying you and thinking you're not interested so he's backed off. I was going to say if you like him, let him know. But..

I still think he fancies you but was just amusing himself to see if he's "still got it". Maybe his GF has seen the messages and had a word with him or maybe he's realised he's taking it too far. Or maybe he thinks you DO fancy him and he doesn't actually want it to go beyond a bit of work flirting, instigated by him/being in control.

Him having a GF is a gamechanger. Steer clear, remain professional from now on, and make sure your signals aren't mixed.

He'd have got short shrift from me if he'd have pulled my hair though. I mean, what grown man does that outside the bedroom ?

Sorry, but he doesn’t “have a girlfriend now” he’s engaged.

whether he’s been over friendly or actually flirted, he’s clearly reigned himself in and realised it wasn’t appropriate. You don’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong to date and it’s obvious why he’s changed his tone - he is engaged. Respect that and reflect the same tone back with him. You’ve done nothing wrong, he isn’t annoyed with you. He just has met a girl at work he has a crush on and shouldn’t have made it so obvious? I’d not feel badly at all. Act yourself in the next training and just respect and maintain the boundaries he has set - if he doesn’t maintain them, he’s not the love of your life and will use you as an outlet for a potentially one off difficult time with his partner and leave YOU feeling awkward at work. Be flattered by the flirt and let him get on with it.

He got married today. I was the only person at work he didnt tell. Everyone else knew. Weird the whole thing. Only he knows. Thank you for your posts..i wont contact him or encourage him anymore. Cant say i fancy him i think i was just flattered

His poor wife probably doesn't realise (yet), he's a twat.
You deserve much better.
Upwards and onwards💐

He sounds like an idiot. Just be thankful it wasn't you marrying him, and I'm sure once the honeymoon period has worn off, he'll be finding someone else to flirt with.

Sounds like he was enjoying the attention from the flirting and messaging or whatever. Some blokes just like getting embroiled in that stuff unfortunately, no time for people like that.
Perhaps his wife found out.
Don’t message him again and if he messages you tell him to do one.