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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sister -what would you do?

3 replies

Fushia123 · 18/06/2024 00:39

My twin sister and I are 61. Both of our families have been close over the years. Our elderly mum who we care for was involved in a safeguarding concern at church a few months ago. I took the initiative and reported our concerns to the church DSL. My sister was furious that I had done this and as a result, our previously fairly close relationship has been severed.
Roll on a couple of months and things are starting to be mended - joint texts with our other sister about mum’s care etc.
Tonight, we met at the health club as we had both booked onto an outdoor aqua class. In the pool I smiled and said hello. After the class I asked her for a recipe that she had made ( to break the ice.) We talked briefly about it and then I swam to the other end of the pool, expecting her to swim with me. She got out and sat in the hot tub. Then she got out and picked up her towel, walked out of the pool area and left without saying bye, I’m cold so I’m leaving….anything. Just walked out! This was the first time that we have been together since our fall out.
I waited to see if she would return, just to say cheerio. Nothing, and she had left when I got out of the pool.
I have lots of lovely friends, I have a volunteer role which is responsible and time consuming, I care for various friends and others and share caring for my mum too.
I’ve come home and cried. My twin sister , who has form for being moody and unreasonable has blanked and upset me. I can’t be responsible for her behaviour, and can only be responsible for how I react to her.
It’s thrown me again.
What would you do? How can I stop her from hurting me over and over again?

OP posts:
Passiflora2 · 18/06/2024 01:47

Have you actually talked to her about it? It sounds like you’re trying to brush everything under the carpet and move on. She’s still very upset perhaps. Ask her if you can meet somewhere quiet and talk about it.

BePinkPombear · 18/06/2024 06:54

i agree with Passiflora, something big has happened between you and you asked her for a recipe. I understand why, I would have done the same in your situation, I am not good with conflict and am having to learn how to handle difficult situations

there might be a good reason why she was upset about the concern you reported. Maybe your sister feels like a failure that she didn’t notice the concern herself

im sure you will repair the relationship with your sister OP x

NoodleNuts · 18/06/2024 09:01

You swam to the other end of the pool, expecting her to swim with you - perhaps she saw this as you swimming off from her? She then got into the hot tub, perhaps she was expecting you to join her and then left when you didn't.

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