I am currently going through a divorce, 18 months in and in the process of now selling our family home.
I've been in therapy the whole time so not to bore my friends with my ongoing misery and instead have focused on new hobbies and new interests and spending time with them in positive ways. Now and then, I obviously talk about what's going on but try not to dwell too much in company but most of my few friends are very aware that my head is in a difficult place. They know that I am struggling to deal with anything "extra" if that makes sense. I've had a lot of worries and anxiety around being away from my children etc when they are with my ex.
I have one friend who has always been quite self centred however very friendly. I just don't think she's very aware of herself. She has continued burdening me with all her minor life issues and I'm getting quite tired of it considering I have so much going on. I get essays about her husband is annoying her, her boss is annoying her, her dad is annoying her. Long winded, petty, dramas. Thing is, when she does listen to me which is not too often, she's very good with advice, but getting to that point in our interactions is like leaping hurdles for 10 miles first.
I had a really tough weekend with my ex and I was in a low place last night. She messaged me with some minor irritations she'd experienced during the day, usual complaints which she never speaks to her husband about frustratingly. I responded that I'd had a rough day too and opened up on why. I got a one sentence token response before she was back to herself and her own life again.
I've suggested doing some positive things together recently, meeting for a walk or going for dinner instead of the negative messages about lifes dramas and challenges and our usual moany phone calls to each other but she's always too busy to do anything and is instead seemingly happy with airing all her grievances to me over the phone instead.
I feel like mentally, I don't have the spoons for it anymore. I have so much going on. And I'm left wondering what sort of friend she is being so self focused in the first place. Sometimes, I try to see her calls and messages as a distraction, but when I open up to her in return, she is disinterested and still focused on herself and her own life.
Sometimes, I only respond to her with an emoji or a one line message, and she will seemingly realise and ask if I'm ok, I open up a little and bam, we're back to a monologue about her week and her challenges again. I have often wondered if she's potentially neurodivergent. But that doesn't help me anyway.
I don't want to ghost her but I am grieving my marriage currently and coming to terms with his betrayal and have a lot of neglected emotions surfacing, my head is all over the place. I am on antidepressants and my oldest child is struggling with dividing her time between two houses and is also seeing a counsellor. I just feel so irritated with her complaints and monologues.
Do I tell her about her behaviour and its effect on me and explain that I need some space? This could potentially cause issues and other stresses in my life as I don't imagine she'll take it well, or is there another, more subtle way to get the message across to her that I don't have the mental capacity for all her mini dramas right now? Or do I just minimise contact?
Part of me is mad with her for not being more aware and being a better friend, and I worry as my patience is currently a little thin, that I may actually snap at her.