Do we tend to recreate our childhood in our adult relationships?

[Ioftenwonder]

I’ve just come to realise that I’ve always picked the wrong men. Ones that need fixing and pleasing like the relationship I had with my controlling emotionally dead mother!

Is this common?

Yes I think we do

This thread is so interesting. Gives me pause to look inside myself.

My marriage ended last year. I am a people pleaser. But I have a stubborn streak. I'm usually very much a loner, even within relationships. I am very much like my dad. My mum is much more social and has lots of friends. She is shy like dad, but not as much. My mum and dad were very critical of my shape and weight as a teenager. I have tried my best not to do that with my daughter. But my dad always did what my mum wanted to do.

In my marriage my ex used to emotionally abuse me. Now my parents have been married for 50+ years, and they impressed upon me to stick at marriage no matter what. So even though I was bullied, I stayed, up until the day I couldn't do it anymore.

I'm not interested in starting a new relationship. I've stopped trying to please men to make them feel better (my mum feels it's her role to smooth everything over for a quiet life without dealing with the issue at hand). I'm no longer interested in putting on a mask to put forward the best version of myself. I'm less likely to let anyone take the piss with my time or feelings. My parents spend a lot of time dancing around difficult subjects. I did too, or try and solve problems alone to avoid conflict. I'm done with that now.