A long post coming but I’ve put off actually doing anything about this for so long….
OH and I have been together 23 years, two children, 17 and 14. We both had difficult upbringings and parent issues. He has had anger issues and things have improved over the years through talking and counselling, each of us separately. I’ve had counselling for depression and an ED.
lately I’ve started to feel like its all wrong. I know my children are affected by his moods, it creates a tension in the house and when I discuss it with him, there is always a reason, he’s stressed or it’s normal to get annoyed or he’ll apologise and then it happens again. I’ve realised I spend a lot of time trying to keep things calm, to protect the children, to prevent this happening. I lie awake at night wondering whether I just can’t do this anymore. My daughter told me that she wonders what mood he will be in at the end of the day…..I know this isnt right and I’ve tried so much but I’m at the end of my tether…. I’ve noticed my son can be anxious around him and not be truthful about how he feels because of how his Dad might react. I don’t want to break up my family but I won’t have my kids feel this way. To make it harder, my culture frowns on divorce and I know there would be lots of family pressure to deal with but I can’t spend my next 30 years walking on eggshells… my other issue is I hate confrontation, I find it difficult and I am a perfectionist, I want to be happy all the time which isn’t realistic either. And I’m not always honest about how I feel in life as I’ve always had to pretend to keep things settled- learned from my own family issues….
anyone been in a similar situation and can advise? This is the first time I’m actually being open and honest so help would be appreciated, thanks in advance xx