Just as the title says really. If anyone had read my previous posts, left “D”H after 17 years just over 2 months ago. He was incredibly emotionally abusive, jealous, controlling, could be very angry and aggressive, intimidating etc. I added to my previous post about 2 weeks ago that he was going on a date, I felt foolish more than anything that I stayed for so long and was unhappy because I genuinely believed he’d hurt himself if I left, I’d tried to leave and he wouldn’t let me.
Anyway, Saturday DD (almost 9 years old) casually dropped out that her and daddy had stayed at daddy’s friend’s house last night. I was horrified, it just felt far too soon, I don’t care what he does but he barely knows her and not only is he introducing her to our DD but thinking it’s appropriate to stay round her house?!
Then to add insult to injury, the doorbell camera went off and his new girlfriend stayed at my house on Saturday night, I text him and basically said DD had said she’d stayed at her house, that I didn’t mind what he did but it was not appropriate and I wasn’t comfortable with it when I didn’t know her, that we were sharing custody and if he wanted to see someone then do it another day, that it was confusing for DD when she was still so sensitive about us separating, said she needed to be gone by the time I got there in the morning (was dropping DD off as it was Father’s Day).
Pulled up at 11am yesterday and her car was still there. I’m pretty proud of myself, because I had a few curt words for him and then he started asking me to please not do this and please not be like this, and I was very aware that it was for his “friend’s” benefit (who hid in the bathroom upstairs; I heard the door shut and she didn’t have the nerve to face me after she’d slept in my bed) and he’s trying to paint me as the psycho ex. I am very non-confrontational and my points were not me shouting and swearing or anything like that, but his reaction you’d think I was smashing plates on the floor.
I told him I was arranging an estate agent to come round this week, he thought we were waiting a bit to get it clean/tidy and put it on the market and I said I was tired of waiting and I wanted to move on, didn’t say it but he’s obviously absolutely fine to chill in our house with a new girlfriend whilst I’m sleeping on a sofa and would do it for god knows how long.
Said I wasn’t having this conversation in front of DD and left, when I got back I called him and said this was not ok, if it was any other day I’d have turned around and drove straight back, I didn’t know who she was and it was far too early to be introducing her to DD, that what if after a week they called it a day, was he going to continue to introduce her to a string of women?! I said if he met someone and was serious then I was happy for him, and she’d be in DD’s life so I’d want to meet her, he could get remarried and have a baby for all I knew, and I wanted to be amicable, he got all weird and flustered and said he wouldn’t feel comfortable with us meeting and what would we even talk about, and I said so you feel like that and yet you took our DD to sleep at her house?! He tried to turn it back on me because “I don’t like to talk about things and he wasn’t sure I’d be open to discussing it” and he was “just trying to navigate his life when his wife had left him with no prior warning and without good reason”.
If anyone has got to the end of that then thank you, and does anyone have any advice for next steps? I don’t want to appear mental, I don’t want to fit the image that he’s painting me as, I can’t stop him, I’m very uncomfortable with it and I really feel it’s too soon.