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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed for unique situation

10 replies

GT2002 · 17/06/2024 04:26

21/M here who’s been dating a F/32, I’ll give a brief rundown then give what I need advice with. I met this woman through college last year, we started in late August and by mid September we were dating. We started talking as she has multiple sclerosis which my mother also has and we just hit it off instantly. In February she broke up with me but we still seen each other 3 days a week at college and as soon as we started spending time together we got back together again. We tried the friends thing but it instantly goes back to romantic feelings for both. She also has past trauma from her childhood and ex husband who she has a child with but is not in their lives. The issue is is that she flips, we will have a month or two of things being absolutely great then she’ll block me or something and want nothing to do with me and it’s starting to take a toll on my mental health. This is the third time it’s happened and I don’t have any idea why she is angry. I’ve always been really open with partners if they’ve done something I don’t like or that has impacted me and want the same in return even if it results in a disagreement I’d rather have an understanding both ways so we can avoid the same situation reoccurring in future. Anyways my friends and family have told me to cut her off but it’s very hard for me. I really love this woman and we’ve done and been through a lot together and done a lot for each other. Another reason I keep going back is the health aspect. She completely cut me off for a few days a
in April and said she wants nothing to do with me then phoned me sobbing as her brain scan result came back and it wasn’t good and my instant reaction was to be there asap, I see her struggling at times mentally and physically and feel I’d be abandoning her if I did end things completely. What should I do? She is so sweet but also very emotional and being so close with her then getting cut out her life kills me. It’s like getting pulled in then losing her over and over and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at times so this doesn’t happen but I can’t seem to prevent it. Is this the MS, is it trauma playing a factor? I don’t know and I don’t know what to do about it.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 17/06/2024 04:37

Listen to your family & friends & walk away. If this.is how she's behaving this early in your relationship imagine how much worse it'll be further down the line.

You're only 21. You're far too young to be in a relationship that's impacting your mental health

Walk away now

Monty27 · 17/06/2024 04:43

@GT2002 free yourself and do it before you are damaged traumatically any further.
There's someone out there for you that will respect you. Take care of YOU firstly and heal.

OMGsamesame · 17/06/2024 04:45

Run.

You've not even been together a year, by c 6 months you had broken up, now you're back together she blows hot and cold. Too much drama.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/06/2024 04:55

If you were my son I'd be pretty alarmed!

So you've been with this woman 9 months and she's already dumped and re dumped you several times??

And it's taking a toll on your MH...

It does sound as if you're a people pleaser and enjoy being there to help...

Empathy and compassion are good! Unsurprising given your mum's situation.. Am sure it is resonant for you...

But do you really want to hitch your wagon to someone this up and down?? Do yoh want this level of drama??

She doesn't sound very grounded... And with past trauma and baggage... All makes it less likely??

Do you know why her child isn't in her life?? (was child adopted /fostered?)

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/06/2024 05:44

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/06/2024 04:55

If you were my son I'd be pretty alarmed!

So you've been with this woman 9 months and she's already dumped and re dumped you several times??

And it's taking a toll on your MH...

It does sound as if you're a people pleaser and enjoy being there to help...

Empathy and compassion are good! Unsurprising given your mum's situation.. Am sure it is resonant for you...

But do you really want to hitch your wagon to someone this up and down?? Do yoh want this level of drama??

She doesn't sound very grounded... And with past trauma and baggage... All makes it less likely??

Do you know why her child isn't in her life?? (was child adopted /fostered?)

I read it that the ex isn't in her and her child's life...could be wrong tho

Shoxfordian · 17/06/2024 05:50

Yeah you don't need this drama in your life, she sounds like she needs some counselling to address her issues before she can have a relationship- she's also at a very different stage in life, you're only 21, go travel, have fun, don't worry about any serious relationships yet

AgentJohnson · 17/06/2024 06:04

You need to get as far away from this woman as possible. She needs professional support and you aren’t responsible for her. Your best intentions can not help her but being in close proximity to her will harm you. By being her crutch she will be less likely to get the help she needs.

LakeTiticaca · 17/06/2024 08:30

Same advice from me as well. At 21 you don't need this burden. You should be out and about with people more your own age. She has a lot of issues which is sad but it's not your problem and you mustn't allow yourself to be guilt tripped, which is exactly what is happening here

GT2002 · 17/06/2024 17:22

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/06/2024 05:44

I read it that the ex isn't in her and her child's life...could be wrong tho

Correct

OP posts:
GT2002 · 17/06/2024 17:24

AgentJohnson · 17/06/2024 06:04

You need to get as far away from this woman as possible. She needs professional support and you aren’t responsible for her. Your best intentions can not help her but being in close proximity to her will harm you. By being her crutch she will be less likely to get the help she needs.

She does get therapy once a week that’s funded by college. However they’re stopping it through the holidays this year which is pretty messed up. But I agree, I think after the therapy stops things are going to get really bad. Was her last one today.

OP posts:
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