And I'm devastated. Why does it feel so awful?
Been together almost 3 years, he moved in very quickly. Probably lovebombed me really. Came with a dog who is much adored by both me and DD12.
He's probably only worked for about a year of our relationship, I've carried all the rent and bills (it's my flat, although rented) and he's never held down a permanent job, bouncing from one agency to another and averaging 3 days a week when working.
I believe he's a narcissist. He's certainly emotionally abusive. A year ago his son came over from abroad to live, I took him into my home too and treated him as my own. He is at times shouty and abusive to his son - I used to step in but stopped when I was told I just make things worse, and that he should be able to parent however he sees fit.
I can't win no matter what I do. I've been called crazy, a lunatic, a psycho, a bitch and even a hooker before. He hates all of my family and friends and says awful personal things about them when he's angry.
In the 3 years we've been together, I've never received gifts or any time/effort for birthdays, Christmas, valentines days or anniversaries (not even a card) apart from twice, but woe betide if he gets nothing (or not what he asked for) from me.
He owes me over £4000 which he has been telling me for over a year he will pay back with a tax rebate (which has never materialised).
He does almost nothing around the house, while he wasn't working last time I asked if he'd paint my flat (I bought the paint) and he said he wouldn't do it unless he was paid, despite the fact he was living for free because he wasn't working!
His father passed away around a month ago and he's been horrendous to me since (he hated his father, who tbf was an abusive arse too) but manages to be nice to everyone else, it's only me who gets the nastiness.
It's his 40th birthday today. Several weeks ago he told me what he wanted as a gift, unfortunately money is tight at the moment and I told him I couldn't afford it. I did do my best and he didn't go without gifts by any means.
But he was so ungrateful and sulky and silent (despite actually liking what I bought, it just wasn't what he asked for) I just lost it and told him that it wasn't working and he needs to move out. He went mad and started shouting at my DD12 saying 'look what your mum has done, can you hear what she's saying, after everything I've done for her, it's my birthday and my dad has just passed and this is how she treats me'
We left and I drove to my mums in floods of tears. Why couldn't I hold on a bit longer? Now I feel like the worst person in the world, he will tell everyone that I kicked him out on his birthday after his dad died. And DD12 will lose her best friend in the dog (and her stepbrother who she adores)
How do I go on from here? I still love him so much but I can never do it right. He wants a woman to be quiet and subservient, which I could deal with if I got what I need in return.
All I've ever asked is that he pays his share, and treats me with respect. He can't do either of these things but I'm the crazy lunatic who nobody will want.
I've had lines of WhatsApp messages saying how awful I am. I can't stop crying. I wish wish it could be different.
Sorry for the long message. Thanks everyone