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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you invite your ex to your kids events etc?

10 replies

FlyingFleetwood · 16/06/2024 13:24

Attended a first Holy communion this morning where the parents were split up but very amicable. It was really nice to see.

It got me thinking, my ex is very abusive. We have little to no communication and the communication we do have is often very difficult. He was very abusive to DD and me and the courts found him of this but still progressed contact. DD is 6 nearly 7. Never wants to see him and handovers are often not very nice but once she's there she's OK. She tells me she misses me a lot.

DD is very active and often has events at weekends. I don't want her dad there and I never invite him. She's never asked for him or asked me invite him but in my head I'm thinking as the adult.. should I?

DD does her holy communion next year and I'd never ordinarily invite him but wondering if I should.. should I just let sleeping dogs lie? Or am I doing DD a disservice by not allowing her dad to be there at any of her events etc. For context he doesn't pay for a single thing and doesn't know any of her friends or their parents. He's been convicted of domestic abuse and assault on several different partners including me.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 16/06/2024 13:28

In your case I would say no

DPotter · 16/06/2024 13:31

No - don't invite him

ByCupidStunt · 16/06/2024 13:32

Depends, which one of her parents is the catholic?

audweb · 16/06/2024 13:33

No, those couples are likely amicable because there was no abuse. In your case I would definitely not.

TheStateOfTheArt · 16/06/2024 13:35

Not with a background of abuse, no. I’d be working to make sure he only got his minimum legal entitlement of time with her, and absolutely no more. It’s to protect her.

Greatmate · 16/06/2024 13:37

I wouldnt in your case. I don't think it's possible to be amicable with an abuser. I think then less access he has to you the better your life will be.

FlyingFleetwood · 16/06/2024 13:37

ByCupidStunt · 16/06/2024 13:32

Depends, which one of her parents is the catholic?

Me. Father is atheist.

OP posts:
ByCupidStunt · 16/06/2024 13:38

In that case then no, I wouldn't invite him.

itsmylife7 · 16/06/2024 13:39

no...unless your child asks.

FlyingFleetwood · 16/06/2024 13:40

I can't prevent him from coming to any school events (which so far he hasn't been to any) but I'm glad I was right in my thought process of not inviting him to other events. If DD asked for him I would consider to but she never has and she doesn't give the impression to me or anyone I know that she misses him etc.

Her headteacher said to me that she doesn't present as a child who has the emotional deficient of not having two parents live at home with her and she's incredibly happy and settled.

OP posts:
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