What would your answer be? Dh being a twat

[FeelingGuiltyAboutThat]

So dh was talking about ann acquaintance Doris. She is just over 60yo and has told us she is waiting for a second hip operation this summer.

dh was moaning that he had just seen Doris in the street and why on earth is she saying she has arthritis. This can’t be true. All because she was walking with a shopping bag in her hand. ONCE.

First time he commented, I pointed out that her consultant probably knew better, and that he had no idea what was happening once she was back home - more painkillers, can’t sleep etc…. And that a one off means nothing.

Second time he mentioned it, I told him her consultant knew what they were doing and just stop going on about it.

If he is mentioning it a third time, what would you say?

For context, I am chronically ill and disabled. His comment very much feels like an ableist comment and is very triggering to me.
And no he hasn’t been helpful, isn’t caring around myself/illness and basically seem to think I should just get on with it (I can’t)

You could always point out the obvious - that arthritis can affect some joints and not others.

Say what's it got to do with him.

He needs to stop poking his nose in with Doris and start looking after you better

I’d have told him he was a selfish inconsiderate twat long ago.

Tell him this type of condition can have good and bad days and often many more bad days than good Then tell him to mind his own business and concentrate his efforts on something more important!!

I have to say this has come to my mind!

I’ve already explained the whole good days/bad days.
And seeing how hard it is to get a hip replacement, there is no way she doesn’t have arthritis or that it’s only mild and not an issue.

I wouldn't bother trying to get him to understand as he clearly doesn't care (given how he treats you OP). I'd just ask him if he realises how ignorant and stupid he sounds and say how embarrassing it is to be married to someone that thick.

I wouldn't try to respond to the statement with facts about her condition, or yours. I'm guessing he's not speaking his throughts clearly and has an irritation about something. I would say, "You've mentioned this a few times now. Something's really got your goat about this. What is it?".

Go for it! 😆

Well before my hip operation I had to carry a shopping bag because I live alone and there was no other way to buy food. I walked at a snails pace, was in pain, and carried only the minimum of supplies home.
A hip operation is classed as major surgery and there is no way your acquaintance would be given one if it wasn't necessary. Besides which, whilst my operation transformed my life and I'm glad I had it for that reason, I found the recovery period pure hell. If this lady has had one hip done I'm sure she wouldn't have the second done on a whim.
I can't understand your DH's comments. Totally none of his business anyway. No wonder some people have to wear " hidden disability" badges.

Exactly this

You can only hope for Karma.
Hope he suffers with arthritis one day.
He will then know the misery.

Why bother wasting your time and emotional energy on this? He doesn't care about Doris, he doesn't care about you, but he does think it's fun to wind you up. Ignore what he says by either changing the subject rapidly, ie he saw Doris outside - oh, has it stopped raining? Or walk out of the room.

Your DH is being a goady troll so ignore him. Although tbh his thoughts about Doris isn't really the problem, your relationship in general doesn't sound that brilliant.

I’d say she is probably pushing through the pain, because if she needs to eat!

Then I would go into detail about how people like Doris and you have no choice but to get on with life despite the pain and difficulties your conditions cause, and that he should just be bloody glad that he doesn’t know first hand how difficult that is.

Poor Doris must have been the only baby girl born in the UK in 1963 to have been saddled with that name.

<misses point >

Although tbh his thoughts about Doris isn't really the problem, your relationship in general doesn't sound that brilliant.

In some ways it is.
He has made similar comments about his mum too. She had stage 4 beast cancer at the time and was dying. But apparently, she would have felt better she had been going for a walk. 🙄🙄

So yes, part of me wants to tell him to get lost. And that his ableist comments are just as bad as racism (he wouldn’t like being told he is racist).

But part of me still wants to make him open his eyes and realise what a twat he is been iyswim

😁😁😁

Not her real name but … yes I know a couple of them (hence my choice lol)

If it were my dh I'd tell him its not of his business if Doris is out there doing burpees

I’d ask him why he’s so obsessed with Doris…

The work arthritis cover all levels of the illness
to him when you say arthritis he pictures up someone either in pain or twisted hands and unable to function

someone Can have arthritis and it can literally be 1 joint on there finger that barely affects them

id just tell him to educate himself on the illness and how it varies

What a twat. People walk around with awful arthritic pain waiting for an operation.

Is there anything more tedious than being married to a moron who talks shite.

My sympathies OP.

Fair enough OP.

Maybe say something like "Be thankful you don't have what s/he has" and change the subject. He won't ever admit he is wrong to comment so just shut the conversation right down. Or be honest and say "Don't be a twat, dear".

Out of interest is it only women who are ill that get these comments or men too?

@LittleGreenDragons men too 😢😢