How do you get through this?

[zosevamo]

Have known I needed to split with father of my children for a long time and have gradually been doing things to enable it. We have a shared mortgage and he's paying lip service agreeing to separate yet won't let anyone know we're separating and is making excuses to prolong things.

He's not physically abusive and I really feel its too borderline to say he is abusive in other ways but I just can't keep living with him. I'm constantly on the verge of tears and feel I have no control. He's always around and with him not letting me prepare the children for us living separately, I know it's going to be so hard for them too.

I feel a shadow of myself and completely incapable of anything living with him. I can't afford to pay rent and a mortgage (a solicitor suggested just to move out to force his hand), the parenting relationship is going to be unsalvageable if I dare suggest he's abusive to get support to leave, and I'm in this limbo where if I push a legal route he'll gaslight me saying we'd already agreed we're selling so I am unreasonable yet if I don't I feel like I'll be here forever and miserable, snappy and in a bad environment for the children.

If you've been through similar what advice can you give me please?"

You need to force the sale by going to court. Get some estate agents round to value the house while you’re waiting. And if you want to tell people you’re separating do, he doesn’t own you.

Thank you. How and when do I say something to the children (primary age)? I've tried to explain to him that it's best to prepare them together. He's already accused me of discussing it with them but I haven't, as I do want to do so respectfully. His view is say nothing to them until the house is sold, which is extreme to me. If we didn't have children I'd have gone through the court route a long time ago, but I want to protect them from even more shouting which is what will happen.