I'm so lonely

[Fred92]

I'm a 31 year old guy. I live on my own and work on my own. I feel so lonely, I don't have any proper friends. I use meetup.com sometimes but I don't feel I'm compatible with the people there, all they do is group conversations which I'm no good at. I have tried going to pubs but I'm just the guy sat in the corner awkwardly, invisible to everyone, I'm ignored by everyone there.

I can't remember the last time I had a proper, long, deep conversation with someone over a coffee , probably 4 years ago. I feel like I need this for my mental health.

I'd love to go for a coffee with a Woman because I prefer the company of Women but I don't know how to make this happen. I have tried online dating but nobody will talk to me. I need to talk to Women more, a lot more, not necessarily in a dating kind of way, It's not right to only talk to men, but Women also. Wherever I go it only seems to be Men around. I don't know where all the Women are??

I'm very angry and frustrated because I should be married with children by now like everyone else. But I've never had a Girlfriend.

What can I do?

Thanks.

My niece met her husband at swing dance classes.

What about working in a garden centre? You could use your knowledge to give advice to customers and you'd be able to talk to people - mainly women!

You need therapy first.

Sorry didn't mean in a condescending way. I meant for you to be successful with women , you should be more self aware. That requires therapy

I think you may be thinking in very black and white terms. Honestly not everyone is married/has a partner in their 30s. I'm nearly 60 and single. I actually agree that some kind of therapy/counselling might be helpful in order to help you to see how your thinking is affecting you negatively.

As a long-term single woman (introverted, likes to have few deep friendships rather than many more casual ones), my best advice is to learn, via therapy if needed, how to be comfy in your own skin with who you are as a person.

I would join a hobby/interest group because you are interested in the actual hobby, not just to meet people. Then the friendships come naturally but they do take time!

If you know about gardening, how about working in a garden centre? Lots of people to talk to there. Or NT or other historic gardens in your area? If you interacted with more people you would find it easier to establish relationships of all kinds. Keep looking for groups but don't expect miracles. Try doing something different every month. Read, go to the cinema, listen to music - if you don't already - will make you more interesting and interested.

As a gardener you have skills so how about joining a voluntary group like for example Social farms and Gardens or the National Trust, where you will meet more people generally. Or maybe a walking group or park run? Or volunteer in a charity shop on a weekend, you will meet lots of people that way.
Don't write off OLD either, a nice smiley pic and a witty self deprecating profile can work wonders. It's a numbers game so don't give up at the first hurdle. And if you get chatting meet earlier rather than letting it drag on with texting. Go for a quick coffee and treat is as just a meet up to see if you gel and go from there. It's also a good way to practice your social skills. You just need to be brave and change things up a bit. Wishing you luck!

With voluntary work there are literally dozens of things you can do! So many options such as conservation work out in nature, befriending people who are isolated, working in a charity shop or cafe, working on magazines, helping asylum seekers learn English etc. I can't believe there's nothing you'd be interested in.
Or you could join a local walking group, a book club, a choir, do an evening class such as learning a language or a cookery class.
I've done all of the above and I've often managed to make a friend. Not always but often. For example I did a cookery class and didn't make any friends (but enjoyed it anyway and improved my cookery skills). After that I did an evening class to learn French. There were about 15 people on the course and I clicked with one woman and we became good friends. It's unlikely you'd make loads of friends in each activity but you might make one or two friends.
I understand lack of confidence can hold you back. I have no idea if you have a lack of confidence, but if so try and push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things. It does wurk but you need to persevere. Don't give up if it doesn't work first time.