Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do?

7 replies

Solomarie · 15/06/2024 21:57

I was very upset as my partner of 2.5 years didn't get me anything for my birthday, not even a personal message I just got the generic 'happy birthday' txt as he was at work, but he could of called but chose not too, made me feel shite all day on my bd, I didn't mention anything and waited till we got into bed and asked him did he really not going to do anything to celebrate my birthday, I was met with greif which I didn't need on an already shite day, he takes his stress out on me and dosemt see that he does and then dosent speak to the person that causes his stress, which is frustrating! He wanted to go for a lie down, which annoyed me as its his day off I don't get a single day to do what I want as I am full time mum, the babies bath was due which I do every night, and he expected me to cook dinner also after babies bath while he goes for a lie down, I felt that was a bit of a piss take as I hadn't stopped all day, so I just said to him must be nice to just lay down and not worry about anything being done, he took offence, I did regret saying what I said so I cuddled him on the bed and just tried to explain that sometimes it would be nice to be able to just do what I want, as being a full time mummy can be overwhelming sometimes, he scoffed and said he works all the time he dosent get much time to do what he wants, and that I have more time than him, which I explained the only time I get to myself is when the baby is in bed and even then most nights am studying for university, so no I don't get alot of me time, some days I don't feel like I have time for a shower! Which is starting to make me feel like crap I used to always do my makeup and dress nice, but now I feel like am just cleaning or doing house work or feeding a baby my comfys are the go to which don't look attractive, but still he says who's stopping me from doing what I want for me time, which frustrates me as I would take time for me but I would feel guilty for asking him to help with the house stuff or even the baby as he works, so I just don't ask, all I wanted him to understand that sometimes it would be nice not having to do or worry about doing something, but he took it I was calling him lazy! And went to sleep I went and bathed baby, and left partner in bed while I sat downstairs, he then wakes up hungry and instantly ignores me prepares himself food, I go in to kitchen ask if he likes a cuppa, he said no but I was met with such a atmosphere that he wouldn't even look at me, which made me upset and he always makes me feel guilty, how do I overcome this? As I am very sensitive and don't feel I have anything to be guilty about what do you all think?

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 15/06/2024 22:07

You don't over come it. You get rid of him. He's an arsehole.

Pinkbonbon · 15/06/2024 22:08

Why are you with this horrible man?

Reread the part about half way through where you somehow - ended up comforting him!!!!????

I bet that's standard in your life right? You call him out on his bs and rather than appoigising and changing his shit behaviour- he turns it round and makes it a you issue! And turns himself into the victim!

You are not, actually, very sensitive. You are being taken for granted by a shit person who wants you to THINK you are very sensitive so that he only has to do the bare minimum. If even that apparently, considering he can't even treat you on your birthday.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Frankly I think I'd ask him to leave. He can go to his mums and he'd be getting told if he ever wants to come back, he needs to buck up his fucking ideas toot sweet.

Tbh I don't think I'd take him back. But if you do then he needs to a. Do his fair share from now on. B. Make sure you get time to yourself where he takes over the childcare (eg: a day out per fortnight). And c. Stop playing a competitive martyr when you talk with him about feelings and actually listen and try to be your partner.

Shineabrightlight · 15/06/2024 22:11

Totaly agree with pp. He is treating you appallingly and making you feel as though it's your fault and you deserve it. You would be much better off without him.

haddockfortea · 15/06/2024 22:19

He's a nasty piece of work.

I'm so sorry, but you are flogging a dead horse here, and you need to start thinking about ending this relationship.

ChocoChocoLatte · 15/06/2024 22:21

Please do two thing:

  1. Get rid of him
  2. Use paragraphs
Cabincrew1 · 15/06/2024 23:31

He sounds horrible op hearing stories like this makes me glad to be single.

I sometimes think it’s the mummy’s boys that go on to behave so badly in domestic relationships, they think women should just thanklessly serve their needs.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/06/2024 23:33

Dump him. He won’t improve. Will only get worse.

Happy belated birthday OP 🎁💝💐

New posts on this thread. Refresh page