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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Demanding friend

27 replies

Judepol · 15/06/2024 11:49

My friend is 44 and been trying to get into modelling for 10 years. She meets up with dodgy old blokes and goes to their houses which most of the time and does not get paid. One even tried to attack her and throw her on the bed. She went alone most times. Sometimes her dad has been but waits outside. Her ex when they were dating was unhappy and said these men are pervs which they were and they were just using her and not really modelling agents. Her ex was always concerned but she ignored him and said she would do what she likes.

I told her many times to use reputable agents but was ignored. Recently she paid a deposit to a 'modelling agency' and I said reputable agencies don't ask for money. Over a week ago she asked if I can go to modelling shoots with her and she would give me petrol money. I said I can't right now as my brother was in hospital.

My brother is out now and I am supporting him with my parents to get better. She has text me asking if I can still take her to Manchester next Saturday. I never said I would go and feel stressed out because I need to help support my brother and don't have a day to waste while she gets photographed by timewasters. It is too far for me to drive nearly 2 hours there and 2 hours back and she is unlikely to give petrol money.

I only see her 2 to 3 times a year and feel she is a user and she only meets up when she wants something. I don't know why her sister can't go.

OP posts:
EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 15/06/2024 11:51

She's a CF. Just tell her no, it's not convenient.

IncognitoUsername · 15/06/2024 11:51

Is she 44 or 14? Sometimes her dad takes her!? She sounds deluded.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/06/2024 11:51

Say no and block her. This person is no friend of yours but is merely content to use you.

Scarletttulips · 15/06/2024 11:51

How she gets there isn’t your problem. You don’t need to offer her solutions.

Just say ‘sorry, I don’t have time this weekend’

Judepol · 15/06/2024 11:55

IncognitoUsername · 15/06/2024 11:51

Is she 44 or 14? Sometimes her dad takes her!? She sounds deluded.

I know, she is 44 and expects her 75 year old dad to take her. He is getting dementia now so can't go. Before her mum passed 18 months ago she did not agree with the 'modelling'.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/06/2024 12:14

If she's still trying at 44 to get into modelling, it's just not going to happen. I'm guessing this is more 'only fans' type modelling, if so, there's not going to be many decent photographers to be found

ProjectEdensGate · 15/06/2024 12:17

No is a complete sentence.

You don't need an excuse. Just say No I don't want to do that.

IncognitoUsername · 15/06/2024 12:19

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/06/2024 12:14

If she's still trying at 44 to get into modelling, it's just not going to happen. I'm guessing this is more 'only fans' type modelling, if so, there's not going to be many decent photographers to be found

Good point.
what kind of modelling is it @Judepol ?

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/06/2024 12:21

No, you never do this for her. Quite apart
from it being stupid, deluded and self destructive, even if she wanted you to drive her to a wellness retreat it’s still her problem.

Don’t be a total grovelling doormat - say no and keep saying no and live your life.

beckybarefoot · 15/06/2024 12:23

you only see her 2 or 3 times a year? yet you can't say not to a trip to manchester?

you are a grown adult.. just say no

Allthehorsesintheworld · 15/06/2024 12:33

No I’ve already got commitments next weekend.
That’s all you gave to say.

MILTOBE · 15/06/2024 13:06

Wtf? Just say, "You're never going to be a model! If you were half your age you'd still be too old. You're expecting me to pay for petrol and take all day to drive you to some pervert's house so he can take photos to wank over? No way." Then I wouldn't have anything else to do with her.

hopscotcher · 15/06/2024 13:11

Is there any reason you'd feel awkward / uncomfortable just saying a straight out no to her?

PossumintheHouse · 15/06/2024 13:12

What kind of model is she trying to be at 44? It sounds dodgy as.
Just say no. You're busy. And you don't want to get involved in any of her 'photoshoots'. Even if she takes offence, it doesn't sound like the friendship would be much of a loss.

IncompleteSenten · 15/06/2024 13:20

It sounds more like what she is doing is sex work that she's saying is modelling.

Tell her you don't know why she's asking if you can "still" take her because you never said you'd take her and you can't do it.

Judepol · 16/06/2024 21:00

Thanks all for your helpful advice. I have the right to say no and should not allow people to walk all over me. I said I am not doing it and never agreed to. I know for a fact she would not drive me somewhere.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 16/06/2024 21:16

Good for you. What did she say?

Judepol · 16/06/2024 22:59

IncompleteSenten · 16/06/2024 21:16

Good for you. What did she say?

She has not read it yet. I messaged her ex as they are still friends. He said it was not modelling shoots and it was adult work. He said he was asked to join in but declined. They always argued about it and they argued in front of me once.

I believe him as she cheated on him with one of these blokes and admitted it. I also saw some photos she had done in her underwear and her mother was disappointed in her. He said she is not safe.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 16/06/2024 23:03

So she's now a Sex Worker.

Honestly just block her she's just a CF.

IncompleteSenten · 17/06/2024 08:43

Called it.

isthesolution · 17/06/2024 11:43

Really I don't think she sounds like a great friend!

Maybe it's time to pull back completely from the friendship?

Judepol · 17/06/2024 19:34

IncompleteSenten · 16/06/2024 21:16

Good for you. What did she say?

She replied back. I could tell she was annoyed and she said she would ask her sister and brother in law. I know they won't take her. Not my problem. Definitely won't take her now she does adult work. I have a relative to look after.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 17/06/2024 21:16

Well done!

LovelyDaaling · 17/06/2024 22:02

Well done. Standing up for yourself is hardest the first time. But you did it. Now she knows you're not a pushover.

PrimaDoner · 17/06/2024 22:12

I thought it would be that! Well done OP!

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