Father’s Day

[Baileybobby]

Looking for some advice on how best to handle a situation…
I have been with my partner for 3 years and he has a child from another relationship and we now have our own child, 9 months old.
Previous father’s days have been centred around his first child and I have where possible tried to accommodate the situation, normally by arranging a day out for them. This year is our first fathers day with our own child and my partner has arranged to take his first child to a concert the night before, which is a massive deal for him and his child as it’s someone they have been listening to for years. Rather than me sitting in the house on my own with my child, I have arranged to stay with my family. I now feel anything I do for Father’s Day is pointless and not important on behalf of my own child. I’ve kept quiet and not said anything but I feel massively disappointed and don’t know what I’m meant to do. What would others do I my position?

It's a great idea to celebrate with your dad and your child's grandfather the day before. It also means your partner and his first child can do their thing too and everyone is occupied.

Surely that means you, your partner and shared child are free on Sunday to spend the day together? I'm not sure why you now feel it is pointless though. Presumably the concert was booked well in advance, and of course your partners older child has every right to still spend time with them too?

Understanding you're feeling low, I think you should focus on the time you will be together and plan a nice time to make your first father's day together great. It's not too late to be a lovely day for you all and very happy memories made.

It's his day so it should be up to him what he does on it
Going to a concert the night before doesn't mean you can't all have lunch on the sunday- you sound really oversensitive about it tbh

I don't understand why you can't celebrate on Fathers Day still?

Is it that you feel left out because of post pregnancy hormones perhaps?
Because what does it matter what he does the night before, be happy, if so, that there are no expectations from you tomorrow.
Relax. Literally.

Op just wondering if you had two shared kids and one was older and going to an event the night before fathers day would you be posting here? If I have understood correctly you arranged to stay at family , why??? You and your partner are free to spend the Sunday together, you could easily have planned a dinner for you all to go or a lunch. Have you and he said no?

As above, why can’t you celebrate on the actual day? all you’ve said is that he has important plans with his older child the day before, and from that, you’ve decided to fuck off for the weekend?

I'm a bit confused about two things, why going to a concert the night before has any impact on actual Father's Day, and secondly why you're disappointed? Are you able to elaborate / clarify?

Celebrate on father's day?

So if he's doing something the night before with his child what's he doing on the actual day?

Honestly though, I would sit him down and point out he has more than one child now and he needs to spend time with both of his children (especially as that second child grows up).

Get him a card and gift from your DS and that’s enough and fine

I'm not sure why you felt it incumbent on you to arrange things with his older child? - unless they live with you and their other parent is out of the picture?

But anyway, what you should do is what any parent should do when it comes to gifts&cards for the other parent: you facilitate the process for your child until they're old enough to take over entirely. When child is a baby obviously you choose, buy and write/wrap yourself; when child is older you take them shopping and help them choose (and give them an advance if they've forgotten to save enough of their pocket money); when child is a teen you remind them that Special Day is coming up (and possibly drive out to Tesco's at 11:30pm to pick something up because oops, turned out they forgot anyway); when child is 21ish you give them a quick call to check they saw the posters in the supermarket.

Having said that last, I meant to do that but forgot until S2 (arrived home day before yesterday) came to ask me for the Clubcard in case any of the chocolates were on offer

Then you maybe buy some croissants and smoked salmon for breakfast, and hand over a card and a stripy bag. Job done.

I don't understand why you can't sit in the house on your own on Saturday?
You could still do something on Sunday ??

It's no big celebration. It's just another day.

Not sure what people actually do/celebrate?

I don't really get the issue here OP?

Your partner is doing something with his first child on Saturday evening, and so you're taking the opportunity to see your own father that same night.

Which means you've got all of Fathers Day itself that your partner can spend with your own child?

I'm a Dad and all I really want to fathers day is to spend some quality time with my child, maybe be a little bit pampered. All you need to do really is get a card and a present "from your child".

To be honest, fathers day as a parent to a baby is a bit of a non-event, it's not much different to any other day, as it's not like the child understands it. The only real difference to an average Sunday is that I'd get a card and a present in the morning, a bit of a lie in, and maybe let off the shitty nappies for the day. Possibly a takeaway in the evening.

It didn't really mean anything until DD was older and we could spend a whole day actually doing stuff together. Go bowling or to the cinema, play some mario kart with her (she might actually let me win a race if its fathers day!), go for a walk and have a good chat, get a card actually made by her.

I'm not sure if I am missing something but i genuinely don't see what the problem is, why can you not arrange something on Father's Day?

What’s the issue on actual Father’s Day?

You’re behaving like a spoilt child.You knew your H had a child . Yet you are sulking because he’s taking that child to a concert .
Yes you have a very young child, but that doesn’t mean he stops being a Dad to his first born. There’s plenty of room for both children if you stop playing “ pick me”.

Point taken

I'm putting all this info into a spreadsheet!

P.s she may have felt it 'incumbent of her' to arrange nice fathers days perhaps because it's a nice thing to do... 🤔 I mean I don't know for sure, of course, I'm just making a stab in the dark here.

Honestly ? I would have asked my h about what his ideal Father’s Day looked like and gone along with that. Does he have a dad that he’d want to see etc.

I’m puzzled why going to a concert the day before means that he wouldn’t want to do anything today with the younger child ? I’d imagine that lots of babies will at least eat a nice meal with their dad or grandad today and as mum, you’ll know what dad considers a good spread.